


Eat, You'll feel better.

by HopeLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, F/F, F/M, Female Remus Lupin, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts, Marauders' Era, Post-Azkaban Sirius, Pregnancy, Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 21:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 36,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15782361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeLupin/pseuds/HopeLupin
Summary: Remus Lupin finds herself completely and utterly alone on that dreadful October night. But what happens when everything she thought was true turned out to be a lie and an old lover appears at her apartment door.[Remus/Sirius AU Set mostly after POA, with various flash backs and introduction set in Marauders Era. Canon compliant story line with a couple of added characters. Later chapters Lupin/Tonks]





	1. 31st October 1981

_\-- 31st October 1981 --_

Remus had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, her head was pounding and she felt sick. That was just another day at the moment, the stress was getting to them all and she felt her symptoms more physically than the others did. The full moon had been 18 days ago and she was usually back up to her old self by this point, this month wasn’t a good one.

She rolled over to see Sirius lying on the bed next to her, his eyes closed, his mouth hanging open snoring loudly and she smiled softly. She leant forward and kissed his forehead softly and brushed some hair out of his face. He looked so peaceful and quiet when he slept. She moved her fingers down his face slowly, at this movement she felt an arm snake around her waist. “Good morning.” She said softly with a smile that was only replied to by a grunt. “We have to be at the cottage by 10, Lily’s making a halloween themed brunch.” She said with a smile but didn’t begin to move away from him, instead she moved closer. Sirius held her close resting his head on her chest and rubbing his fingers up and down her back. 

The alarm clock went off on his side of the bed and he groaned rolling onto his back and smacking it with his hand. At this movement Remus moved slowly out of his grasp and sat up at the side of the bed. She slid her slippers on before standing up and making her way to the small chest of draws and started collecting her clothes for the day. 

As she started to pull on her clothes for the day she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist, “If you want to deal with the wrath of Lily go ahead.” She said without turning to look at him. He sighed and started kissing down her neck, she couldn’t help feeling weak at this point leaning against him. “Pads, stop it.” She said and moved her hand around to grab him making him run back and decide to get dressed himself.

___

At 9:56 they arrived at the Potter’s cottage to the sounds of James and Lily squabbling. Remus smiled softly opening the door to see baby Harry playing on the floor, the voices of James and Lily in the kitchen. Remus picked up Harry when he did grabby arms towards the pair. 

“You promised me you wouldn’t leave the house James! You promised, under Dumbledore’s orders…” Lily had stormed into the living room, her eyes landing on Sirius. “And you! This is your doing, your influence!” She shouted and Sirius looked at Remus begging for help with his eyes, Remus shrugged in response turning to see James enter the room and she smirked at him with a raised eyebrow before sitting into the plush armchair with Harry on her lap.

“Come on Lils, it was Moony’s time of the month, we couldn’t leave her to do it on her own.” James said with a groan not looking at his wife.  
“She didn’t ask you to go!” Lily snapped, and Remus knew at this point not to get involved. “She has Sirius, we discussed this. We discussed that while we were under house arrest Peter and Sirius would be going with her and you would stay.”

Sirius looked up at this, “To be honest Peter didn’t come with us… He was busy apparently.” He said a spiteful tone to his voice. 

“I don’t care about that, You’re putting our safety on the line, Harry’s safety.” She snapped putting her foot literally down.

“It won't happen again Lily, I promise. I’ll send them back if I have to.” Remus said with a soft smile as she started doing silly faces for Harry. Lily sighed before making her way into the kitchen and you could hear the sizzle of the food. 

“She’ll forgive you soon.” Remus said to James who smiled.

“She already has, it’s the last of her rage.” James said and slumped down onto the sofa with Sirius beside him. Sirius smiled and rested his head against James, closing his eyes. Remus look away from the pair as they chatted about everything they had been doing, she looked to Harry, the little toddler who was putting his little hands on her face following the scars with a look of wonder. 

Lily walked in with a tray of food, piles of crumpets with bright orange jam and toast, black bacon and eggs with witches hats on. She had tried with the theme of Halloween, but seemed the argument put it to shame. She had a bowl of porridge for Harry and Remus smiled and took the bowl letting Lily have some peace and quiet. Remus summoned a bib with her wand and started to feed Harry, the boys started shoving food into their face and Lily munched on some toast. They offered food to Remus and she shook her head, Lily frowned in response and Remus just smiled with a look of 'we’ll talk later'.

Remus finished feeding Harry before letting him crawl along the floor. “Nap time.” James said with a smile picking him up and taking him upstairs. Sirius got up to follow muttering something about bedtime stories leaving Lily with Remus.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Lily asked suddenly, she nibbled on her piece of toast.

“Been feeling off for a while.” She replied closing her eyes resting her head against the side of the armchair. 

“But it’s been a few weeks since the transformation… I thought you got better with that.” Lily replied moving and passing Remus a piece of chocolate out of her handbag.

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s to do with that, I’m just a bit sick…” She replied but took the chocolate. Lily watched Remus for a while, with a puzzled expression. “I know what you’re thinking, I wont be. Werewolves can’t… It’s not easy for a werewolf to be, so I wont be.” She said and stood up and took a plain piece of toast and raised an eyebrow at Lily who nodded without a word. 

Footsteps sounded as Sirius and James walked down the stairs, James dropped down on the sofa next to Lily. Sirius walked up behind Remus wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. “Feeling better?” He asked softly. Remus nodded resting her head against his, She moved them to sit down on the armchair and she curled up in his lap like she does after a full moon. He rubs her back softly and the other couple smile to themselves.

“Have you guys got snacks for Halloween?” James asked with a smirk at Remus, she rolled her eyes in return.

“Hopefully unless Moony here has eaten it all.” Sirius said and Remus punched him. “Yeah, we are going to head back tonight, hand out chocolate to all the muggle kids in the neighbourhood. Going to dress up so scary, I’m a werewolf.” Remus groaned at this again. 

James was laughing, “Only you would be able to get away with that.” He laughed and the doorbell rang, James got up to open to door and let in Peter, who was looking pale and thinner than usual. He sat down on the floor and James returned to the room.

“Dumbledore asked me to send you a message, Sirius you have to take over patrol tonight, Diggle got injured last night and you’re the only one who’s available.” He said looking over at Remus and Sirius.

“Why can’t you do it? You’re not on duty.” Sirius groaned throwing his head back, “I was meant to be trick or treating, scaring kiddies.”

“I’ve just come off duty... not enough t-t-t-time.” Peter stuttered and Sirius frowned.

“Don’t need to sound so scared Wormtail, I was never going to make you do it.” Sirius replied looking over at the other young man. At this point Harry started crying upstairs and Lily jumped up to go and take care of him.

The quartet sat together in silence for a few moment. Remus looked over them all, Peter looking down at his hands, James sitting listening out for his wife and son and Sirius his eyes closed resting his head against Remus shoulder. “We’ve changed.”

James nodded to himself. “I’m sure for the better.”

“I believe so…” Peter said still not looking up. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.” Remus said and bit her lip.

“Those who love us never leave us.” Sirius replied opening his eyes and looking over at Peter. Lily walked back down the stairs to sit beside James.

Peter let out a large yawn and stood up, “I need to sleep, sorry.” Peter said and quickly left the house.

“What was that about? He’s been getting really ill looking recently, I mean worse than Moony on the day after a full moon.” Sirius said and frowned.

“War affects people differently. I think he’s just worried about losing people. He keeps apologising as if this is all his own fault.” Lily said with a sigh. “We’re all struggling, I think he struggled because he doesn’t have one of us. He doesn’t have someone he’s with all the time or can go home to. It’s hard being alone.” 

“It’s hard having someone…” Remus said quietly. “It’s hard watching people go out for a mission and thinking they’ll never come back.” She shivered. At this point Harry started crying upstairs and Lily jumped up to go and take care of him.

Remus and Sirius stayed till just before lunch time, announcing that for Sirius to be on duty tonight he should probably do some stuff before he went. They hugged each other closely before they left, making a habit of it after they lost Marlene Mckinnon. Lily held Remus for a while, “I would still check.” She said softly and Remus nodded reluctantly. Remus held James for longer than they ever have before, James kissed her on the cheek. 

“I’m not going anywhere Moons.” James said softly and kissed the top of her head.

___

Remus and Sirius found themselves back in the flat, the bowl of chocolate that had been full was now dwindling in stock. “Seriously Moony.” 

“It wasn’t just me. For Merlin’s sake Padfoot.” Remus groaned walking into the living room starting to clean up some stuff.

“You promised me you would leave the stuff in there.” He replied folding his arms across his chest.

“I’ve felt shit for the past two weeks, I needed to try and make myself feel better! I’m craving chocolate and if that’s what makes my brain feel better than I’ll eat it. The children don’t need it!” She said tears in her eyes. 

“Moons, I didn’t mean… Don’t go getting upset on me!” He stepped forward to grab her arm and she moved away.

“Just leave it.” She snapped and carried on cleaning. She didn’t look at him and wiped away the tears from her face. Sirius looked afraid that he had made her cry, he quickly went about sorting the rest of the house out. 

“I’ll be back early enough, we could still watch a scary movie with popcorn in bed, like our first halloween together.” Sirius said and Remus nodded and looked back at him.

“Stay safe…” Remus said quickly and Sirius was already walking away. He turned back and pulled her into a hug. 

“I’m sorry our night is ruined, but once this is over, once we’ve won. Then it’ll be me and you. Then we can be who we want to be. I can… I can make you mine.” Sirius said his forehead against hers.

“What are you saying?” She asked softly moving her hand to his face.

“You know what I’m saying.” He smiled kissed her softly and left. 

Remus smiled, the prospect of the future was always a difficult one to comprehend, but the idea of a future will always cheer the group up because they could see a life after this. After a while the doorbell rang and Remus stood to give the trick or treaters the chocolate from her bowl, she opened the door to find no one there, she frowned and looked around before a patronus moved past her into the house.

_There’s been an attack on Godrics Hollow, come quick._

The deep voice of Kinglsey Shacklebolt echoed around the room and Remus froze. No, it couldn’t be, they can’t be. She dropped the bowl of sweets, slammed the door closed and apperated to Godrics Hollow. 

There were people everywhere, the dark mark lighting up the street with it’s gaunt glow. Remus pushed past the crowds, she could barely see anything, tears were streaming down her face. “James! Lily!” She was screaming, she could see someone holding a limp body. There was a police tape barrier around the area, and Remus felt someone catch her around her waist. 

“Not here.” The same voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt was behind her. 

“What happened?” Remus asked unable to hold herself up.

“We had a traitor in our midst, Voldemort came and killed them, killed James, Lily tried to protect Harry, he killed her as well.” With each word Remus lost more and more strength. “Harry lived, with nothing but a lightning bolt scar on his forehead, he destroyed Voldemort, he’s gone.” Kinglsey said trying to look Remus in the face. 

“I can’t… Where’s Sirius? Where’s Peter?” Remus begged looking around.

A loud crack sounded in front of her and Albus Dumbledore stood a sad look on his face. “Miss Lupin, we need to talk.” Kingsley’s hands let go of Remus and she stepped forward. “Peter Pettigrew has just been murdered, Sirius Black the secret keeper of the Potter’s cottage, gave away the location of the Potter’s, Pettigrew tried to stop him and he murdered him and 12 muggles. He’s currently being held at the Ministry to be transported to Azkaban tomorrow.” He sounded calm but watched Remus through tear filled eyes. 

“No.” Remus said her heart aching. She moved past Dumbledore, their bodies were now laid out in front of the house. She walked forward, no one tried to stop her as she sat in between the couple. She took Lily’s hand in her own, stroked a piece of hair out of her face. Remus leant forward and kissed the top of Lily’s head, “I will do everything I can to keep your son safe.” She said softly before turning to the body on her left. A sob escaped her lips, this was James Potter, the 11 year old boy that took in a werewolf, a abandoned child and a reject all those years ago. James’ hair lay flat on his head, she ran her fingers through it messing it up in the way he always did, she straightened his collar of his shirt. “You lied to me James Potter, you said you were going to be fine.” She said, she moved forward and kissed his head as well. She sat there for a few moments holding the hands of her dead friends, she looked up at the house, it was destroyed, and Sirius had caused this, no, no she didn’t believe that. 

“No!” She shouted taking her wand and apperating to the entrance of the Ministry, people were everywhere, people were celebrating. She pushed past making her way in, she stormed up to the desk. “Where is Sirius Black being held?” She demanded, the woman was terrified and said something about the dungeon. 

Remus ran from there, moving to the elevator racing down to find where he was taken. She saw a few Aurors she knew and demanded they take her to him. As they were friends they took her down to where they were meant to be keeping him, she could feel the cold air from the dementors surrounding this room.

“Where is he, I have to see him, this is a mistake, he didn’t hurt anyone.” She said slamming her hands down on the desk. 

“Are you family?” The man asked calmly. 

“I’m his… I’m his girlfriend.” Remus said getting more and more impatient.

“Only close family would even be allowed to say goodbye, and we know the Black family will be proud of what their son did, they won't want to bid him farewell.” The man said with a scowl. “He is going to Azkaban, no trial, all the physical proof points to him. There is nothing you can do. He killed those people, why would you want to see him anyway, unless to punish him, and I’m sure the dementors are doing that anyway.” A slight smile curled at his lips.

Remus growled through her teeth, she stepped forward past the desk and started to walk towards the cells. The first flash of red hit her back, she wipped her wand out sending a spell back at the guard.

“Remus don’t do this.” One of the Aurors called behind her, she sent another spell back. Remus broke into a run, 

“Sirius! Sirius!” She screamed out before another bolt of red light hit her and she fell to the ground. 

___

Remus awoke in hospital the next day, her whole body ached, she could feel the bruises of where her face hit the stone floor. She awoke and for a split second everything was okay, but slowly the warm blood turned cold. She was alone, she would always be alone, he was gone, a murderer. They were gone, murdered by him, or might as well have been. 

She sat up looking down at the IV drip sticking out of her arm. What was the point, what was the point of staying around when everything she had ever loved was gone. She ripped out the IV throwing it to the ground and pulled off the vital detectors. 

Swinging her legs off the side of the bed she started to see the damage, the spells had caused the ache, but the whole of her body was bruised, her usual scars red and raw. She lowered herself off the bed, and walked over to where a pile of her clothes was, she pulled the worn jumper over her head and slowly moved herself into a pair of jeans, She needed to get out of there.

She walked to the door and opened it looking out onto the busy ward. There were patients and nurses everywhere, so she tried to blend in move with a crowd of people. She managed to make it to the door before a sharp pain in her abdomen caused her to buckle over with a groan, if only she made it out of the doors. A nurse swept over to help, realising that she was a patient and forcing her into a wheelchair to take her back to the room. 

“No.” Remus tried to fight back but couldn’t. “I don’t want this, let me go. Let me leave. I’m a waste on resources.” She groaned trying to get out of the chair. The nurse pushed her back into the room. “People like you don’t care about people like me.” She said with shaking hands. “I’m a werewolf, an abomination, a monster. Just get rid of me.” Remus was crying now, sobbing into her hands.

“We’re not all like that, you have friends in high up places.” She said softly and tried to move Remus back onto the bed.

“I’m… I dont want friends I dont want help.” She pushed the nurse away.  
“I don’t care if you dont want help, I need to check on the baby.” The nurse said sternly.

“The baby…” Remus’ eyes went wide as she stared at the woman in front of her.


	2. 17th June 1994 Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for all the reads on this, I'm hoping you're all enjoying it so far. Anything you'd like to see please comment below, anything you guys think would be great to include I'd love to hear. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, please read and review. Thanks -HopeLupin x

_\-- 17th June 1994 --_

Remus Lupin stood in the living room of her small flat, having spent the last six months in staff quarters at Hogwarts in a way her home did not feel like home. The fine layer of dust on her surfaces, the suitcases of her belongings piled on the floor by the pull out bed, the fugitive and murderer that stood in front of her.

“What do you want me to say?” She asked standing in the flat the man had bought for them 13 years ago.

“A hello would be a start.” He said, pulling his bottom lip back with his teeth. Sirius Black was nervous, she could tell, more nervous than she expected or would have liked. He watched her in front of him, his eyes moving over her watching for any tells.

“I’m sorry…” Remus ran a hand threw her hair, “Hello.” She said quietly her gaze finally landing on him, she looked over his appearance, on the outside he still looked like the man from the posters, Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban, that man she hated, that man she loathed. Sirius Black had caused her so much anguish, so much pain, he destroyed her entire life. Her gaze moved up to his face, to his eyes, there was Padfoot, there was the man she’d spent hours just curled up in his arms as he read to her, there was the man who said I can make you mine before walking out the door and she never saw him again.

“Hello.” Padfoot said from behind those hollow eyes. Remus could see the hesitance, the flicking of his eyes from his hands to her. “It’s been a long time. I missed you.” At these words Remus flinched, I missed you, she closed her eyes for a moment, remember what Dumbledore told you, remember that it wasn’t him, he didn’t do it.

Remus opened her eyes and walked into the small kitchen not giving him another glance, she took out a plate collecting bits of food from her cupboards before returning to the man, who had not moved in the living room. “Eat. Please.” She said passing the plate to him which he took and they both moved to sit down at the small two person dining table. “What did Dumbledore tell you?”

Sirius was pushing the food around his plate, he looked at Remus before eating some of the food, “Not much, there was little time to spare getting me out of there. I left on Buckbeak but Dumbledore found me explaining what was to happen, he’s going to tell me where to go next.”

Remus nodded taking in the information, she knew he wouldn't be here for long, but knew they needed to talk. “He spoke to me before I resigned, He explained that Peter was the secret keeper, that you were the decoy. He was the one who told Voldemort where they were, you went after him, he made out like it was you, cut off his finger and transformed. With no trial they sent you straight to azkaban for 12 years, you saw a newspaper with Pettigrew on and escaped to save Harry, and to kill Pettigrew. And I correct?" Remus asked softly, her voice not wavering once.

 

“Yes.” He replied his hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white with time. “And I failed. That bastard is free.”

“One day we will rectify that…” she said and moved her hand to his fists, moving her fingers to unclench the fists. “Now my story is rather different than yours.” She stood and made her way over to a bookcase, she walked back with a large photo album. Placing it in front of him next to the plate of food. "Harry has lived with his Aunt and Uncle for all these years, I tried to take him away from them, but as a werewolf and no relation I was not allowed. I've also been on very little income." She sighed, "From my point of view, you killed James and Lily, and Pettigrew... I blamed you for everything, I wanted to get out of here, I wanted to die. But I couldn't." She opened the photo album. "Her name is Lyra Hope Lupin." she opened up the album.

 

The album was full of pictures of a little girl growing up, from pictures of Remus chasing after her in the small flat, of her toddling her first steps and her first day at hogwarts was the last photos waving and smiling up at them. The little girl had piercing gray eyes with long brown ringlets that fell around her face, she was a tall girl even for her age, her limbs lean but not hauntingly malnourished like her mother.

Sirius tried to hide his frown and he looked to her with a smile, "I am glad you found someone, your daughter looks lovely."

"She is lovely, she's 12 years old." Remus said watching Sirius' face, she wanted to see how he'd react, she wanted to see the recognition on his face.

"Twelve?" His brow furrowed as his mind worked for several moments before his eyes widened. "You don't mean to say?-" He cut himself off, looking to the girl, Lyra, once again.

 

Remus looked down at the picture he was looking at, she was 9 years old running around at the park, she stops runs over to the camera and waves before running back to the swing. "She has your eyes, your sense of humour, your temper and your untidiness." She said softly, her hands were shaking in her lap.

Sirius stared blankly at the photo as Remus eyes raised to his face. "I have a daughter." A smile began to form on his face, the smile suddenly fell and Remus moved back as he stood closing the photo album "I am so sorry." His voice was barely audible, but deeply expressive.

Remus wrapped her arms around her body, she stood in front of Sirius, her body hunched slightly to make her seem small. “You don’t need to say that. We did okay, me and her. You kept us going all these years, without you we wouldn’t have a roof over our heads, I’d be homeless and she would have been taken away.” She said and she held herself tighter. “She’s currently at Hogwarts, she’s in the year below Harry, they’re friends.” Remus smiled lightly to herself thinking about her daughter hanging around with Harry like herself, Sirius and James did. “She hangs out with Arthur Weasley’s daughter, they play pranks on her brothers, she’s a very clever child.” Remus looked up through her eyelashes at Sirius to see his reaction, when the man walked towards her wrapping his arms around her, she froze in place.

“You raised her on your own, I should never have been so reckless. I should have known Peter would do something like this, I should have known he would tear us apart.” He said against her hair. “I’m so sorry, I should have been there, I should have been there for both of you. She grew up believing her father was a… a murderer.” Sirius shuddered.

Remus shook her head, she moved back out of his arms. “I didn’t tell her you were her father, I didn’t want her thinking you were a bad person. When she was conceived we were happy, we were together, what we had wasn’t… We weren’t the same people, and I didn’t want her to think of you like that.” Sirius nodded in response but did not reply, he moved and sat back down and reopened the book.

“We were so happy…” Sirius said quietly, his eyes reading every tiny drop of information on the pages. “I want to meet her, if you want me to.” He said looking up at Remus who was watching him.

“I’m picking her up from Kings Cross this afternoon… You could stay here, or you could…” Remus thought for a few moments, oh it was reckless but it was a one off opportunity. “We could always go together, you in Padfoot form… You would see Harry again and Lyra.”

“You want me there? I thought you wouldn’t… I thought you still wouldn’t want me involved.” Sirius said standing up to look at Remus who took an automatic step back.

“I want you to meet her, I spoke to her before I left Hogwarts, I explained that I knew you, that we were friends at Hogwarts, she connected you to all the stories I used to tell her about my friends from school. I’d like you to be there, we can bring her home and explain what she needs to know.” Remus said and looked up into his eyes, the grey eyes looking back at her were full of hope and happiness, after a few seconds she could not hold the gaze.

“What have we become.” Sirius said softly, he stepped forward placing a hand on Remus’ arm. “There is nothing I would like more than to be a part of her life, no matter what role I take. I look forward to meeting our daughter, just 12 years too late.”

Remus allowed the hand on her arm and nodded, she looked back at the table. “Eat, you’ll feel better.”

As Sirius moved back to eat the food in front of him, Remus moved back and started to move around the flat, with a wave of her wand the dust was lifted and she opened the curtains to allow the warm July air into the room. She walked over to the bookshelf where there was a picture of the four marauders, she smiled looking at the picture but shook her head, they weren’t back, just him. When she turned around Sirius was looking around the room with his food. “There was no one else Padfoot.” She said quietly, unsure if he would hear. She continued past him to the kitchen getting out a piece of chocolate and popping it into her mouth.

“You haven’t changed a bit.” Sirius said having followed her with his eyes into the kitchen.

“I’ll have to disagree there.” She replied with a sad smile, “I have changed a lot, so have you. I’m old.” She said holding a piece of her hair, showing the few strands of grey that appeared down to the stress and strain of being a werewolf for all those years.

A bird flew past the window and they both looked up. “As soon as Dumbledore contacts me I’ll be out of your hair. Can’t get Hogwarts favourite defense teacher in trouble can I?” He smiled over at her, “You’re not old… You’re beau… You’re just as I remember you.” Remus watched him as he spoke, the lopsided smile from their childhood ghosted over his face and a shiver ran down her spine.

“I’ll… I’ll get you some new clothes.” Remus said suddenly, she ran a hand through her hair, trying to brush out her thoughts. She walked over to the only cupboard in the room, opened it to pull out a large box from one of the shelves and placed it on the floor. Remus waved her wand and the box opened, inside the box was most of Sirius’ old belongings. Some old shirts were missing, but if Sirius did search for them he would find them in her own wardrobe back from those lonely nights at the beginning. She pulled out an old shirt and jeans and his black leather jacket passing them over to him. “These may still fit you, you were still quite thin then.” She said with a smile. She could see Sirius looking in the box, seeing old books and records, photos, a packet of cigarettes and various other items.

“Thank you.” Sirius said softly brushing her hand as he took the items from her, he looked around to see where to change.

“It’s still the door on the right. The shower works the same way as it used to.” She said and watched him leave for the bathroom. As soon as he walked away she slumped down to the floor wrapping her arms around herself. She started to breathe deeply trying to calm herself, she could hear the shower running in the other room, she forced herself up, with a flick of her wand the box went back into the cupboard. She walked back over to the photograph, she looked over the picture, it was the Hogwarts school grounds, James was on Peter’s shoulders waving at the camera, James who looked so much like Harry in that picture that when Harry walked into her classroom at the start of the year made her heart jump into her chest and she had to take a calming draught. Peter was grinning but struggling to hold James up, the nagging thought of him just giving up like he did with protecting them had to be pushed back. But there next to them was herself and Sirius, Sirius had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he held her close and every so often kissed the top of her head. They had just started dating at this point, Remus was still a little nervous about it, worrying the boys were going to see her different after that point, but they never did. Hagrid had taken that photo for them, Hagrid had been her saving grace in the first few years after the incident, she had nowhere to go, nowhere to contact people so the morning before the first full moon she found herself at the gates of Hogwarts with a tiny baby in her arms. She waited until the half giant form came to find her, she begged him to look after Lyra for the night, she had nowhere else to turn and he took Lyra in for the full moons till she was 11 years old. Remus would find her way back to the hut in Hogwarts after the full moon to find a full meal waiting for her. Hagrid was probably one of the only reasons she was still alive in the early days.

The door creaked open again and Remus turned around to see Sirius exiting the bathroom, the sinking feeling returned seeing him in his old clothes, this time they were hanging off his form. “I’m surprised they have not come to question you yet.” Sirius said as he pulled his long hair back and tied it at the back of his neck.

“I was questioned at the school, had a pretty strong alibi though, you know, my time of the month. Between that and the fact that most of the wizarding world knows I hate you.” She said pulling her wand out and started to unpack her own suitcase.

“Oh…” He said quietly looking over at Remus. Remus hadn’t meant to have said it so bluntly, but it was how she felt, she had been conditioned to hate him, he lied to her, killed everyone she loved and left her alone and pregnant. “Did you… Did you truly hate me? Was there not some part of you that knew I would never harm them?” Remus could see that Sirius was pushing a lot harder on this question than she expect him to.

“I didn’t believe at first…” She waited until the suitcase was empty to continue. “I screamed down the ministry to let me see you. I barged through Aurors and screamed at receptionists and had to be stunned to get me out of there. I ended up at St Mungos. That’s when I found out about Lyra. Dumbledore told me everything he knew, everything the ministry was saying, he made me believe you were a monster. I grew to resent you, to hate you. But would I have kept your things if I truly did…” She looked down at her hands at this point unable to control her emotions on her face.

“Thank you. For your trust.” Sirius stepped forward and Remus looked up at him. “I apologise that I didn’t trust you with the information that Peter was the secret keeper. I trusted you, but I didn’t want… I didn’t want to give you any information that may have gotten you killed, it was selfish of me, and I paid the price. I should have never trusted Pettigrew.” He said. Remus looked at him closely now, she could really see the old Padfoot shining through. “Alright we could spend a very long time talking about this, but that’s enough of this depressing nonsense. Tell me the amusing stories of raising a child with half my genes, was she a trouble-maker? Please tell me she’s found the map? Is she adorable?”

Remus laughed softly, “She was a… Handful.. She still hasn’t reached her stroppy brooding years that you went through, but we have time for that.” She giggled watching as Sirius beamed with happiness. “There are more pictures I can show you, we didn’t have many people in our lives, but we had each other.”

Sirius moved over to the table and sat down pushing the forgotten food aside he started to look through the pictures again. “You did amazing Moons” He said softly watch the pictures looking at the tiny details, Remus smiled softly, the use of her old nickname warmed her.

Remus moved to sit back, they had some time till they had to go and pick Lyra up so she curled up in the armchair. “We were quite poor, but she always had what she wanted, just thankfully she didn’t want for much.” She said resting her head on the side of the chair and closed her eyes.

“Perhaps when things calm down, I will be able to go back to the Black Manor, the galleons there would certainly help.” He said keeping his eyes on the photos.

Remus hummed a noise in response, she could hear Sirius talking as she faded out into sleep.

___

Remus woke up suddenly, she had fallen asleep on the armchair. She found herself with a blanket over her and looked over to see Sirius still looking through the photos. “Sorry, full moon.” She said softly and he turned around and smiled. “I remember.” He said and she looked over at him, he had saved her from hurting the children, she could never forgive herself for being so careless.

Remus stood folding the blanket and placing it on the chair, she looked at the clock on the wall. “We should probably head off soon, the Hogwarts express arrives in an hour.” She smiled briefly at him before collecting up her handbag and brushing back her hair.

“Right…” He said and stood up from the chair, he brushed himself off and looked back at Remus.

“Are… Are you okay?” She asked softly looking at him, worrying how he was going to react once everything settled.

“What do you mean?” He asked putting his hands in his pockets.

“I mean, after everything. Are you okay right now? Like I’m not expecting you to be good, but are you… You’ve been in az… I don’t know.” She stuttered over her words knowing what she wanted to say but unable to express it in the way she wanted.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me, worry about yourself. I know you’re tired don’t waste your energy on me.” He replied looking away from her, a trick that even when they were younger showed that he was lying.

“I’m used to my tired Sirius. It’s not wasting my energy when caring about you. I always have, I have much doubt I will ever stop.” She said and stepped forward placing a hand on his arm. He moved automatically and moved a hand to her waist. “Do you remember the last time we were here?” She asked in a breathless voice.

Sirius frowned at her, the dementors mess with your memories and she could see him scanning his with his mind. “Something’s nagging at my mind.”

“We were arguing over what chocolate to hand out to children and you told me I was eating too much chocolate. I told you I was craving chocolate and kids didn’t need sweets.” She smiled softly rubbing his arm with her thumb.

“Did the kids even get any in the end?” He teased. “Because you do have a serious problem with chocolate.”

“No…” Remus said with a sad look crossing her face. “I was pregnant, and everyone I loved had just been attacked, assumed dead…” She moved her arm back and crossed them over her chest. “Sorry, I didn’t… I’m sorry.” She continued ducking her head down.

“Merlin’s beard Remus, we are never going to be able to escape that night are we?” He let out a long sigh.

"James and Lily were everything to us, they're the only family we had left and they got ripped from us as well. Of course we're never going to escape that night." She sighed and stood up picking up the dishes and taking them to the kitchen. "The only family I ever had." He said bitterly, "you're right, Remus, you're always right." He grit his teeth, rubbing his hand over his face.

She stood at the window in the kitchen and stared out into the grey day, her hands gripping the counter. She sunk down into a ball breathing heavily. She needed to be happy, Sirius was back, he was still alive and not a monster. Her breathing quickened as her mind went to that last night, waiting for Sirius to come home, waiting and waiting, someone had sent her a patronus and she had stormed her way to the cottage, she had seen the destruction, watched them take out the bodies. She had shouted Sirius' name, begging for him to be there, screaming down the ministry.  
  
He stood, looking to the doorway. He walked into the room, sighting Remus and immediately rushing to kneel beside her, his hand raising to touch her shoulder, “Remus?" He said so quietly, even he couldn't properly hear. "Moony? You alright?" He spoke louder that time, leaning his head to the side in an attempt to better see her face.  
  
She started to sob when Sirius wrapped his arms around her. She cried for the first time in years, once Lyra was born she had to be strong, so she did. He whole body shook with sobs as Sirius was close to her, she could smell him, part of him still smelt the same, the lingering smell of cold and damp but underneath it all he was still him. She looked up at his face and moved her hand to cup it, her fingertips brushing his hair out the way.  
  
He frowned at her, only growing more worried, He raised one of his hands to cover hers, holding her against his face, "What's going on? What's wrong?" He pulled her tighter against himself. "It's alright," His gaze met hers, eyes flicking over her features. He used his thumb to wipe her cheek, taking with it several of the tears that had fallen. "It's alright." He said once again, wrapping his arm back around her.  
  
Remus held him close and hid her face against his shoulders, she was still trembling. She moved her face back and rested her forehead against his..  
  
Remus closed her eyes and moved back slightly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." She said and shook her head standing up.  
  
"No," he kept his hand on her shoulder, standing as she did, "you should have. We are all broken people, we’ve all had so much shit on our shoulders and I should have been there for you. But I think we both know we needed that."  
  
Remus leant against the counter, "I need you, once this all blows over I need you to come home. I need you here because I feel like I'm falling, and honestly I need someone to fall with me" She said and smiled sadly.

“Remus…” Sirius stopped her mid movement to walk away, “I’m already waiting to catch you.” He moved forward and kissed her forehead.

She looked up at the clock, "Right, come and meet Lyra."


	3. 17th June 1994 Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Okay so I have pretty much finished this story and just not posted it for a while. So Prepare for lots of chapters all at once, hopefully. I really hope you like this. Hope Lupin x

_\-- 17th June 1994 --_

 

Some time later Remus Lupin and her Black dog companion walked through the wall between platforms 9 and 10. “You stay with me Snuffles.” She said and stroked the top of his head, he trotted along next to her but she could see him looking around out of the corner of her eye.

As Remus walked down the station she could see the train pulling in, she walked to an empty spot by the wall, she tried to not listen to what the parents on the platform were saying, but she couldn’t help it. Word had spread fast.  _ That’s the werewolf. Putting my child in danger. Dumbledore’s a fool. I wonder if her daughters a werewolf like her. Filthy half-breed.  _ Remus looked up to see the Malfoy family staring at her from a spot not much further down, she started to feel sick leaning back against the wall she took a deep breath and found Padfoot's head by her hand licking it in a caring way. 

There was a chorus of the children saying hello to Remus as they exited the train, a quick wave, a cheeky smile, a wink from Fred and George who she rolled her eyes at. At least the children were loyal to their defense teacher, but they didn’t understand, they didn’t know she was a monster. It was as if Padfoot knew what she was thinking when she felt him nudge her leg and she let her hand fall into his fur as she waited for her daughter. Remus didn’t notice the 12 year old girl running at her at full pelt until she ended up in her arms. Remus hugged her daughter and kissed the top of her head. “Long time no see.” she laughed and pulled back taking the case from Lyra. 

“Since when did we have a dog mum?” Lyra asked with a frown looking down at the dog, she moved forward and stroked the dog who started jumping around the young girl, Remus smiled softly. 

“It’s a long story, I will explain when we get home.” She said with a smile. That’s when Harry, Ron and Hermione ran over after escaping from the Weasleys. Harry looked from the dog to Remus and back again and Remus nodded in response. “Not for long, he’s just stopping off.” Remus explained quietly to Harry who understood. Ron stood back still wary of Padfoot and Remus smiled at him trying to reassure him, but Remus knew this wasn’t her place, those three children had seen her transform into a werewolf less than a week before, she was surprised they didn’t run from her. 

“What’s the dogs name mum?” Lyra asked still playing with the dog, giggling as he licked her face.

Remus smirked at the three older children, “Snuffles.” She said with a wink in which the dog knocked into her legs. “Now remember, if you need anything over the summer send me an owl, you too Ron and Hermione. I mean it anything at all.” She said indicating to the dog. The dog had moved from Lyra to Harry and was having his fur stroked, Remus could help but think of a better time when baby Harry lay against Padfoot’s fur as they slept on the floor. 

Hermione and Ron gave everyone a hug before making their way back to the Weasley’s where a very excited Mr Weasley was once again conversing with a confused looking Mr Granger. Remus waved her hand over at the Weasley matriarch, who waved back with a small smile. Remus looked back to the group surrounding her, “Right Harry, I’ll walk you to your Aunt and Uncle.” She said with a smirk not letting him respond before heading out of the wall. 

 

Mr and Mrs Dursley looked rather out of place, they stood looking around the platforms as if they were something alien to them, and it was a muggle train station. Remus walked up with Harry next to her and Lyra and Sirius stood behind. “Mr and Mrs Dursley, lovely to see you again. Do you remember we met last time? When I saw Harry sat outside the station waiting for you and you didn’t show up for three hours.” She snapped sharply, not letting the Dursley’s respond. “Anyway, Harry’s told me all about the fun he had over the summer, so I’ve asked him to keep me updated with all the fun activities he’ll be having, I also believe Mr and Mrs Weasley plan on having him to stay over the end of summer, which I do wish you to be very cooperative with that situation. So as long as I hear from dear Harry here over the summer, I do wish to see you at the end of next year.” She smiled sweetly as the dumbfounded Dursleys. “Have a good summer Harry, keep in touch.” She said and ruffled his hair before walking away taking her daughter’s hand and leaving the station. 

“Damn mum, that was amazing.” She said looking up at her mother with a large smile.

“I’ve stood aside too long, and Dumbledore didn’t say I couldn’t threaten them, just that I couldn’t bring Harry to live with us.” She said before they headed down to the tube station.

___

 

When the trio arrived home Remus had skirted around all the questions about  _ snuffles,  _ and kept all the talk to Lyra’s last few days of school. As soon as everyone was inside the flat Remus nodded to the dog who turned himself back into a man.

“Shit!” Lyra shouted and jumped back.

“Lyra, language. I’m sure Harry has already made you aware of who this man is.” Remus said watching her daughter.

“Yes, but I didn’t expect Sirius Black to be in our house! You let me pet him like a dog. Umm… Hello.” Lyra said with an awkward smile and wave.

“Hello…” Sirius replied with the same awkward smile that was plastered on his daughters face. 

“Lyra…” Remus started, “Sirius was the Padfoot in my stories, he was my friend at school and he was the man who bought us this house. I know you’ve probably worked some of this out, but Sirius is the kid from the photos on the shelf, he was also my best friend and my partner.” Remus sighed trying to reassure herself, she needed to get this out because they needed to talk before he left. “Sirius is your father.”

Lyra looked over at the malnourished man, she looked him up and down before looking into his face. “I spoke to Harry about it this year, we discussed how you were friends and that you have my eyes…” she frowned to herself. “Hello dad.” She said and smirked, she stepped forward and hugged him, he patted her on the head awkwardly wrapping his arms around her. 

Remus watched the exchange with a small smile, her hands were now shaking, but kept her hands firmly in her lap. “Your similarities are scary sometimes and your temper is the same." Remus said in a slow mutter as Lyra looked back at her mum.

"You can talk." She smirked.   
  
Sirius's smile grew at Lyra and Remus's exchange. "Moony! You didn't tell me she had my spectacular comebacks." He shot an accusatory glare to Remus before returning his gaze to Lyra . He just stared at her for several moments, he cleared his throat when he realised he was staring and lent back to sit in his seat properly. "So..." He trailed off, unsure where to start.

He glanced to Remus only a moment before going to the kitchen and bringing her a piece of chocolate. Which, she had told him so many years ago, fixed everything

Remus smiled softly, "Thanks." She said straightening to look like she was fine. "I'm going to.. cook dinner..." She said with a smile at Lyra . "Glad to have you home." She said with a soft smile before leaving them together.   
  


Lyra  smiled back at her mum before looking back at Sirius, she moved to sit on the sofa and indicated he could join her. "Mum told me stories about you, not telling me who you were, but stories about Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs." She said softly.

Sirius smiled after Remus, but his attention was quickly diverted to his daughter. He sat on the opposite end of the sofa to her, leaning back against the cushions and smiling as she spoke. "Of course she did, I guess you'd know me by Padfoot then." He wondered which stories exactly had been told. And which he would get to tell himself. "I hope she only told the good ones, wouldn't want my reputation soured." He paused, thinking before continuing. "I guess you probably know a bit about me already then..." He trailed off. He didn't remember conversations being so difficult.

Lyra  smiled at him, "It was only good ones, she found it difficult to tell a lot of stories. Brought back too many memories, I kind of understand better now I've met you." She said softly, "She told me you lot were troublemakers, I can see why my mum was one of you." She laughed, her laugh was just like Sirius'. "I'd prefer to hear more about you from you though, and if you have any questions in return. How long are you staying?"

"Troublemakers?" He mused on the word for a moment, "more like... artists." He smirked at the thought, "Oh the things we got up to. Your mother used to get us out of detentions, she was a prefect, a very helpful thing." He ran his hand through his hair, thinking when she asked how long he would stay. "Not long, I'm afraid. I don't want to bring trouble here."

"Oh..." She said quietly and looked down at her hands, "I was hoping..." She shook her head and looked over to see if her mum was listening. "Mum seems happier with you around." She said quietly. "Yeah, she said she was the most law abiding and that's why I should listen to Professor McGonagall when I'm at school."

He looked down, "Yeah, I'm happier here too, and I'd stay if I could, I swear. But it's dangerous right now. Don't worry though, it'll be fixed before you know it." He wasn't entirely sure how true his words were, but it only felt right to say them. "I'm not sure if I'd call Moony 'law abiding', but she definitely got fewer detentions, and she studied, which was something I never did." He chuckled to himself, "but you shouldn't follow my example. Definitely not. Studying is good."

"Now you sounds like a dad, telling me to do my studying." She laughed. She slipped her shoes off and curled her feet up on the sofa. She looked over to see if her mum was still busy, "Did you love my mum?" She asked quietly again, "She never tells me how you two happened, she only talks about you as a school friend."

"Yes." The answer left passed his lips the moment the question was posed, and he looked towards the kitchen, a quiet smile on his face, "never stopped." He admitted, turning his attention back to Lyra . His brow furrowed as he searched through the memories, "I think we just... happened. I mean, we all met in school, and the marauders sort of became my family, and that was perfect. But then one day things just shifted a little, and she became something more to me." He shook his head, "I think, I mean, the memory's a little fuzzy. You'd probably get a better answer if you asked her."

Lyra  could stop the smile on her face when he replied. "I don't think she would tell me if I asked... They were her own demen... Sorry I didn't mean that..." She shook her head.

He let out a quiet sigh, "Yeah, it hurts her to think about it, I'm pretty sure."  
  
At that moment, Remus who was definitely not listening, walked in with a large bowl and plates. "I've made dinner." She said with a soft smile, "Lyra  can you get us glasses and some juice. And you best be hungry, I don't want to hear you just ate loads of junk food on the train home." She said with a raised eyebrow at her daughter and put out the plates and started to serve the spaghetti.

He sat up straighter when he saw Remus enter, and promptly stood, helping her to set out dinner. Once he was sure Lyra  had left the room, he leant closer to Remus, "She's great. You did amazingly. I think I'll leave once she's in bed." He thought aloud, thinking that was the easiest way. Then there were no drawn out goodbyes, where he would definitely get emotional.

Remus frozen when Sirius spoke, but nodded slowly. "Yeah. That will work better." She said with a soft smile towards him, trying to keep composed. She turned to look at him, "Never stopped?" She said but in that moment Lyra  came in and she quickly turned away, taking a seat. "Sirius, eat something." She said pointing at the plate she'd filled the most. She took the glass off of her daughter and smiled, "You too miss." She said before she started to pick at her own food.

He blinked when she repeated his earlier words. Damn her incredibly eavesdropping skills. "Well-" I didn't have a reason to stop. He finished the words as a thought, seeing Lyra return. He cursed her timing before sitting at the table, deciding he would definitely have to talk to Remus about it later. He looked to the meal before him and smiled, taking in the scent before he dug in. "Merlin's beard Remus, you cannot tell me you did not use magic to make this. Nothing can taste this good naturally." He said, lacking most of the basic manners.

Remus rolled her eyes, "I've had a lot of practice." She said with a small smile, "It's already getting late, I don't know where the time goes." She said with a small sigh. She ate a small amount before giving up and putting her fork down. "So I guess you were right, the defence against the dark art position is cursed." Remus laughed and Lyra  nodded, 

"I told you mum, one teacher per year, there is rumour that you-know-who himself put the curse on it years ago because Dumbledore wouldn't let him have the position. But I think that's a lie, we've just had some bad luck, I mean he was involved with Harry's first year and Quirrell, but when we had Gilderoy that was just because he was a douche bag. With you, well you knew Snape was going to ruin it somehow, greasy git." Lyra  said and Remus sighed, 

"Don't talk about a teacher like that."

He frowned as they spoke, irritated that Remus had lost her job thanks to the ridiculous prejudice. "Snivellus has always been a greasy git." He smirked to Lyra , "Good to know you're a good judge of character." His gaze flicked to Remus and he cleared his throat, "I mean, Snivel- Professor Snape is a professor and you shouldn't talk badly about him." The words sounded rehearsed, because they were. Sirius drawing from his limited knowledge on what a parent should say to their kid.

Remus rolled her eyes at him, "12 Years of not bringing that nickname up and you're here for a day." She laughed, "Don't repeat that to anyone." She said to Lyra , she looked back at Sirius with warning eyes, he might not be here for long but he wasn't going to get away with that. They made small talk for the rest of the meal and Lyra  offered to clear up the dishes, while she did that Remus took Lyra 's case into the bedroom and placed it next to Lyra 's bed. She look at the clock on the wall and sighed, it was 10pm.

He gave an innocent shrug when Remus shot a look to him. "Old habits." He enjoyed the rest of the evening, talking and feeling normal for the first time in far too long. It was amazing. When Lyra offered to clean up he bit back a grin. She definitely got that from Remus. Moments later, he was left sitting at the dining room table. His thoughts travelled lazily, until he looked outside, realising just how dark it had gotten. He frowned, not pleased with the idea of leaving.

When Remus walked in to see Lyra finishing the dishes with a yawn she raised her eyebrows at her. "Long day, you should head to bed." She said with a smirked and hugged her daughter close, "Thank you for everything today, thank you for dealing with everything." She said softly against the top of her head before Lyra went to say goodnight to Sirius. She walked over, "I'm off to bed, thank you for coming to get me at the station..." she said looking up at Sirius.

"Let's make it a tradition, maybe next year I'll greet you in person." He smiled, "But really, I should be thanking you. You've been really okay with this, I know it's a little strange, but I'm glad I met you." He hesitated only a moment before leaning down and wrapping Lyra in a hug. He pulled back "sleep well."

Lyra hugged him back, feeling how thin and frail he was, but the strength in the hug made her smile. "You too, I'll see you tomorrow." She said and walked into her bedroom closing the door.   
  
Remus watched the exchange through the archway. She smiled sadly hearing the see you tomorrow, but she would sleep better like that. "Are you okay?" She asked Sirius quietly.

His heart tightened with her final words. "She's so going to hate me for leaving like this." He mumbled to himself, tangling his fingers through his hair as he turned to look at Remus. "I'm fine. Just..." He sighed, "I don't want to stuff it up with her, but I don't really know what to do. My parents didn't exactly set a good example of how to raise a kid. I just don't want Lyra to be unhappy." He let out a long sigh, "but I also don't want her to meet an auror, or a dementor, so I'd best be going."

"She'll understand. She's a smart kid, she'd have to be if she was ours." Remus smiled reminiscently. "You've done well, she likes you, I mean she gave you a hug. She's not the most touchy feely kind of person." she explained and stepped forward. She pulled out her wand and waved it conjuring a bag and some of his clothes flew into it, she also got some food, into the bag as well. "She's already met Dementors, they came onto the train on the way to Hogwarts." She said with a solemn glance. "But I know what you mean."

"Horrid leeches," he grumbled, but quickly pulled his thoughts to other things. He looked from the bag, to Remus. "Thank you. You're too good to me." He smiled softly, "I'll send an owl, maybe something more creative, as soon as I can." He promised, picking up the bag and heading towards the door. Remus forced a smile as he took the bag, "B-Be careful." She said softly unable to look at him. 

"Always am" He glanced to her a final time before stepping out of the door. The cold air greeted him and he pulled his jacket closer around himself. He walked down the steps and out onto the street, picking a random direction for now. He could pick out something more definite later. For now, he was just pleased for the distraction the icy wind brought, pulling him from his thoughts.

Remus heard the door closed and sunk down to the floor again. And like that he was gone, again. She shuddered at the thought, took a deep breath and stood up, with a wave of her wand she brought her bed down and walked over. That was enough for that night. 


	4. 24th June 1995

_\--- 24 June, 1995 --_

 

_“Sirius, I need you to set off at once. You are to alert Remus Lupin, Arabella Figg, Mundungus Fletcher —the old crowd. Lie low at Lupin's for a while, I will contact you there."_

_"But —" said Harry._

_He wanted Sirius to stay. He did not want to say goodbye again so quickly,_

_"You'll see me very soon, Harry," said Sirius, turning to him. "I promise you. But I must do what I can, you understand, don't you?"_

_"Yeah," said Harry.. "Yeah... of course I do."_

_Sirius grasped his hand briefly, nodded to Dumbledore, transformed again into the black dog, and ran the length of the room to the door, whose handle he turned with a paw. Then he was gone.”_

 

Sirius stood on the doorstep of the flat, he knocked gently and waited. The door creaked open to show a distressed looking Remus, her hair in a messy bun on top of her head and she looked rather shabby. “So you heard?” He asked stepping into the flat and she closed the door behind them.

“Our daughter is quite good at communication.” She said pointing to the piece of parchment that showed their daughters handwriting.

Sirius nodded and ran a hand threw his hair, “Dumbledore is recruiting for the Order of the Phoenix, I’ve already visited Mundungus and Arabella, they are both to keep an eye on Harry over the summer when he returns to Private Drive.” he said and sighed running his hand over his face. “Moony, I failed again, I failed at looking after him, what if it was him, what if he died like that poor kid. It’s happening again and we can’t stop it, why can’t we stop it, haven’t we been through enough?”

Remus had moved forward wrapping her arms around Sirius and for once Sirius could feel his mental path slowing. He hid his face against her shoulder, his hands finding her arms holding her tightly to him. Harry could have died, he nearly died again and he was meant to be there to protect him, he was his godfather, his daughter had been there, what if she had been hurt. He couldn’t even comprehend any of it. As he left the castle he had stopped by the crowds of students, he saw her stood at the back with Hermione, Ron and Ginny. He barked towards her and she had looked up, she smiled softly at him and waved, he nodded his head before turning and running into the forbidden forest. Sirius rested his head against Remus’, “Our daughter was safe with the others, I saw her, she was okay.” He sighed, breathing in her scent.

“We aren’t losing anyone else Sirius, we lost so much last time, this time we will trust each other, we will not lose.” She said and stroked his hair, they moved apart and he moved to sit on a chair.

“Harry had been warning me all this time, telling me things were wrong and I didn’t believe him…” he sighed, “Peter was there, Peter was part of the plan. He was part of everything, that bastard, that monster.” Sirius shouted out and kicked the table next to him.

“We will get past this Padfoot. But for now we have to do as Dumbledore says, we have to reform the order, because together we can fight him, together we can destroy the hate in the world and we can get past this. For the future, for Lyra and Harry.”  Remus moved and sat next to Sirius and took his hand in her own.

Sirius squeezed her hand softly, he moved and rested his head on her shoulder, his deep breath audible to the room. “I was told to lie low here, with all the drama that’s gone on, I don’t think I’m top priority at the moment.”

Remus nodded her head against him. “Then this is your safest place. I’m glad you’re home.”

The exhaustion of the drama had hit the pair stronger than it had in awhile, and before Sirius knew it he had woken, his arms wrapped around the love of his life as they slumped onto the sofa. Sirius didn’t want to move to wake her up, she had her arms wrapped around him as well. For the first time in years he felt safe, he felt that maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel and the tiniest glint of hope waiting for him there.

Sirius closed his eyes again and instead of falling back to his dreamless sleep, he found himself falling back into the old comfort that he was currently in.

\---

“I’m awake.” Remus grunted from her position with her head in Sirius lap, “So you can stop rating all the girls in our year before you reach my name.”

Sirius laughed, “Don’t worry, you’re an honorary bloke, we wouldn’t rate you.”

“Yet you still pick apart all the other girls… Not seeing you in the best light here Padfoot.” She said sitting up brushing down her hair and rubbing her hand across her face. She looked down to see Peter looking rather sheepish on the floor, she rolled her eyes at him.

“Don’t worry Moony, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds…” James said, “All you heard was Evans.”

Remus rolled her eyes and Sirius laughed at her, “Come on Moons you know how much he loves her, I have a bet on with Wormy here that if they’re not together by graduation he owes me 50 galleons.” He laughed looking over at Remus who was sorting her hair out. Sirius had only realised in the last six months that he was in love with Remus, there was never any kind of crush or fancying, Sirius had just realised one day that he was hopelessly in love with his best friend. It didn’t help with how close they were, the way she would always sit so close to him, or on him or as before, fall asleep in his lap.

“He should just ask her out. Maybe try to be less of a dick and get in a little less trouble and you might actually win that bet.” She replied, she reached forward and pulled out a potion, drinking it back and replacing the flask.

“What time is it?” James asked sitting up on his knees.

“Just before six, why?” Peter asked looking up at them, at that point James jumped up off the chair.

“I’m going to go and do something stupid.” James replied reaching over and placed a kiss on top of Remus’ head, “I’ll meet you at the Shack.” He said before running out of the portrait hole.

Sirius watched him leave before looking at the pair in front of him, “This will be interesting…” He smirked. “Let’s take a slow walk down, see if he catches up.” he said turning to Remus and offering her a hand. She took it and he squeezed it softly.

The trio began to walk out of the portrait hole to see Lily running past them, “You’re an arrogant arse hole James Potter.” she screamed, Remus stepped forward as if to follow her.

“Don’t worry, you two head down, take James I’ll talk to her.” Sirius replied, he ran after her down the corridor. “Lily Evans, should you be wandering the castle alone at night.” He quipped with a raised eyebrow.

Lily turned around, “Got his mates to come apologise for him, did he?” she said tears in her eyes.

“Well no, he didn’t send me. Remus wanted to come but she’s not feeling great. What did he do this time Evans?” Sirius asked leaning against the arch way looking over at the red head, he had to give it to James, she was beautiful, she had natural beauty that you didn’t often see.

“Recited some bull shit about being a changed person.” she said and crossed her arms.

“Ahh…” Sirius sighed, “It’s something he wants to do, not exactly something he’s done already. Remus gave him a bit of a talk before he ran off, probably our fault, so I’m sorry about that Evans. He just really likes you, he’s not that bad of a guy, I mean sometimes he’s a dick… Like a massive cock end. But he’s not the worst.” Sirius laughed at himself. “Geez I’m his best friend and I can’t even explain it, but do you really think me, Pete and Remus would be friends with him if he didn’t have any redeeming points.”

Lily chewed on her lip, “Remus was talking to me about it, I know he’s not that bad, I mean I can be in a room with him now without wanting to shove him in a cauldron of acid…”

“You could have so been a marauder.” Sirius scoffed.

“I just need some time to get my head around him.” Lily said softly. “But you can’t talk… I’ve seen the way you look at her. Your relationship is as complicated as mine.” Lily said looking him in the eyes.

Sirius looked away quickly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Miss Evans.” He said finding the button on his cuff very interesting.

“I’m pretty sure she loves you back.” She said stepping towards him.

“I’m pretty sure you do to.” He replied and she looked down.

“Then we give it time. I think we all deserve to be happy.” She replied and squeezed his arm before walking back to the common room.

\---

Remus moved and Sirius was startled out of his daydream. He sat up quickly removing himself from her embrace, he felt her fingers run along his arm as they moved apart. There was an owl tapping on the glass, Sirius stood and headed to the window, he opened it and the owl stuck out her leg. Taking the note and giving the owl a treat from a bowl at the window he turned around opening it.

“We will be using Grimmauld Place as a base. Apparently that dreadful house is still in my name.” He said while looking down the letter. “I have to go there today with Dumbledore to set up the Fidelius charm, then we are to collect other order members, a few groups will be staying, including you and Lyra.” He said and looked at Remus who nodded. “We will be collecting together various extra order members, Some of the Weasley children have already expressed interest, apparently my cousin has displayed abilities according to Kingsley. Do you remember her, we met her when we get to get the last of my stuff from dromeda.” He smiled.

“I remember a little girl who made her hair change and made me play with her toys for an hour before we could leave.” Remus smiled softly.

“She’s an auror now.” He smiled at the words of the paper, she was fighting back against the black family history, she was following his rebellious footsteps.

“At least we know Andromeda would bring up a child with her heart in the right place.” Remus said softly. Sirius looked over Remus now, she looked ill, she had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was greasy and knotted and she was paler than usual her scars red and raw across her face.

“Moons what’s wrong?” He asked cupping her face.

“Flu and a full moon.” She laughed moving her face away and coughed. Sirius frowned stroking his thumb across her cheek.

“Right, I’ll look after you…”

—-

“Right, I’ll look after you.” Sirius said, he had found the 12 year old girl asleep on the sofa by the fire in the common room.

The girl stirred, “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean…” she yawned moving her hands to rub over her face.

“It’s alright it’s me.” Sirius replied moving to sit next to her and letting her rest her head on his leg, he stroked her hair softly.

“I won’t get used to you lots knowing about my…” Remus started but fell silent.

“Furry little secret.” James said from the foot of the stairs. Peter made an odd noise between a laugh and a scoff. “We are going to breakfast Moony, want us to bring something up to you?”

“It’s fine I can…” Remus tried to stand up and Sirius put a hand on her arm.

“Can you bring us back some toast?” Sirius said turning to James who nodded and went off with Peter through the portrait hole.

“You don’t need to stay, I don’t want you to miss out on your favourite meal of the day.” Remus said softly, her eyes closed, her head on Sirius lap again.

“I’d rather keep my friend company.” He said with a smile. “Anyway, we already told you, we are here for you, so that’s what I’m doing.” Sirius paused and looked down at her. “What happened? I mean…”

Remus sighed before moving a hand to rest on his leg. “It wasn’t any worse than normal… but you don’t know normal…” she sighed again and sat up resting her head against the back of the sofa. “Do you really want to know?”

Sirius moved to mirror her, “I… I want to be able to understand what you go through…” he said and he pulled his legs up to his chest.

Remus closed her eyes for a moment but looked back at him, “I go to a blocked off area, Dumbledore has put up wards to hide my location. I have to take off my clothes otherwise they would be destroyed. I put them in a warded trunk so it keeps them safe and I can get them out after the transformation.” She said and looked down at her hands. “When the transformation begins it’s like my body is being stretched, it’s like all my bones are breaking and reforming. I’ll be honest, I’m screaming, screaming till my lungs are empty, that’s when the howls begin, the fur on my body. The memories after that are blurry. Like a dream. Like a nightmare. I wake up and it’s like I’ve fallen off my broom. I’m bruised and battered, sometimes the wolf is good to me, sometimes not so much. Sometimes I have to go to the hospital wing because I’ve hurt myself, sometimes Professor McGonagall comes to get me herself, but sometimes I’m fine and I can come back here and pretend nothing happened.” She then looked back up at Sirius who had tears in his eyes.

“Remus, I don’t… I’m sorry you go through that…” Sirius said calmly, he reached forward and took her hand squeezing it gently.

“I should go and sleep…” she said and squeezed weakly back. “Thank you, for listening.” Remus stood and walked up the stairs.

Sirius sat by himself for a short while, he stared into the fireplace thinking, he thought over everything that Remus said. His hands had curled into fists and his knuckles were going white when the portrait door slammed open and James and Peter walked through a plate full of toast in their hands.

“You okay Sirius?” James asked putting down the toast and slumping onto the sofa, Peter sat down in the hair next to them munching on more toast.

“Not really. We need to do something, we need to do something to help Remus.” He growled.

“What do you mean?” James asked looking taken aback.

“We can’t leave her going through those transformations alone.” Sirius took a drop breath and stood up. “I’m going to the library.”

“What?” James exclaimed watching Sirius walk towards the portrait hole, James stood and ran after him.

Peter looked up as well, “But we have charms.” he said before scuttering after the pair.  

—-

Sirius looked after Remus for the rest of the day, finding a barely in-date can of soup at the back of the cupboard and tucking her into bed.

“When was the last time you ate something moons?” He asked softly sitting on the edge of the pull out bed.

“Monday…” she replied with a tired sigh.

“When we are in Grimmauld Place we are going to make sure you have three meals a day okay.” He said and brushed her hair out of her face.

“Thanks Padfoot.” She replied sleepily.

“You never have to thank me Moons.” He said and brushed some of her hair out of her face. “You should know that by now…” He smiled as she didn’t respond having fallen asleep.


	5. 27th June 1995

_\-- 27th June 1995--_

 

Remus had agreed to these terms set forth from a letter from Dumbledore and packed up some of their belongings, a case for each of them and arrived at the door of number 12.

The year before had been much as he expected. Plenty of travelling, moving from place to place for Sirius, worried what would happen should he stay for too long. He spent most of his time active, regaining a healthy weight. It was a freedom Sirius would have enjoyed, had he not spent most of his time wishing he was with Remus and Lyra. The brief escape from himself came from conversations with Harry and the time where he had to “lie low at Lupin’s”,  The letters were nice, but he wanted more. After the years spent in solitude, he wanted the company. His prayers were answered when the letter from Dumbledore came, offering a safe living space at Grimmauld place. Once he had looked after Remus he had met up with the man himself and secured his old home. Once there he had spent much of the day waiting, knowing Remus would be arriving at any moment. He had hardly sat still, always easily excited, he had even put effort into making himself presentable. When he finally did hear sounds from outside the door, he rushed to open it, smiling widely, "Hey."

"Hello." Remus said from the doorway. "I brought mine and Lyra's things. She's still at Hogwarts till the end of the month." She said with a small smile looking around and walking in the door. "It's the same as I remember..."

"Some things don't change," He shrugged, stepping out of the doorway and taking the bags she had, carrying them to the bedrooms before she could argue. He returned quickly, leaning on the doorframe as he watched her.

"You hid your mother?" Remus asked softly indicating to the curtains covering the portrait. She smirked at him, and bit her lip.

He glanced over to the portrait in question, merely shrugging and folding his arms loosely over his chest, "she was annoying me." A small smirk appeared on his features, from the moment he entered the house he knew his mother had to go.

"When did she not..." Remus smiled but walked forward to make her way into the kitchen area. "We may have to fix this place up if it's becoming the new order headquarters.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a boggart in the cupboard over there." He raised his hand to point, before tucking it back to his chest. "It's been awhile since anyone lived here, and Kreature obviously isn't any good at cleaning. Nothing a little magic won't fix."

Remus smiled, "I'll deal with the boggart." she said stepping forward and unlocking the cupboard, it was indeed a boggart, as soon as it moved out it became the full moon, but it changed suddenly to Sirius and Lyra's bodies on the floor.

Sirius watched from his place, somewhat glad he did not have to deal with the creature. Though he did wonder what it would appear as to him. He was walking towards Remus before he even had to chance to fully realise he was staring at his own corpse. He was about to cast the spell himself when Remus spoke.

Remus gasped, took a breath, "Riddikulus." She said and watched the boggart fade away.

He placed his hand on her shoulders, looking into her eyes, "Are you alright?" It was a sight he would not soon be forgetting. And something he would be preventing. He would never let something like that happen to Lyra.

"I'm fine." She said softly and shook her head, "Glad that didn't happen in my defence class." She said and ran a hand through her hair. "It's done now, let me just." She said and waved her wand cleaning up the kitchen, things scrubbing themselves and the table being positioned in the middle of the room with chairs around. "At least now we can have meetings in here."

He nodded slowly, watching her carefully for several more moments before deciding he was satisfied. "Alright." The moment the chairs stopped moving, he found a seat in one of them, sighing and rubbing his hand over his eyes. "How are you, Remus? Anything interesting happen in my absence?"

Remus took a seat in another one of the chairs. "Nothing really, crap jobs. I've been fired from three this year." She sighed, "But Dumbledore explained how he would, hire me for the order... Meaning I can look after Lyra." She said with a soft smile.

"They're fools for letting you go." He grumbled "But I guess that’s good. When this is all sorted, when I find Pettigrew, I'll see just how much money my family has laying around at the bank. Then you wont need to worry about such things." He liked that idea. Of a time when he could live normally. He hoped it came soon, however doubtful that may be.

"I'm not asking for charity Sirius." She said and looked down at her hands. She chewed her lip for a moment, "Do you know who else Dumbledore has spoken to about the order, who else is coming here?"

"It's not charity. It's taking care of you, making sure you both have some kind of security." He looked to her, attempting to meet her gaze despite the fact she continued to look down. With a sigh, he let it go, for now. "I'm not sure, I think Arthur and Molly will be joining."

"That's good, they'll bring Ginny and the others, Lyra will have company." She nodded to herself and picked at her fingernails. "I think Dumbledore will want me around the werewolves again, like last time. It'll be good if Lyra has the Weasley's around to be with..."

"I'll be around too." He looked to her, "I'll watch out for her, but this is the safest safe house in history. So if you're away, you won't need to worry."

"I will always worry." She said and stood up pushing her chair in. "I'm going to go and go through some stuff..." She said heading towards the door.

"Alright," he nodded, watching her go. Left alone, no longer anxiously awaiting Remus's arrival, Sirius finally took notice of how strange it was to be back in the house. He was suddenly very glad the first thing he had done was to cover his mother's portrait. He really didn't want to start thinking, so, he stood, aiming to follow Remus to wherever she had gone. 

 

Remus knew she had been acting weird, everything she had said came out forced, but she couldn't help it. Everything was different, it was the same but twisted and warped and it made everything uncomfortable. She found the room that Sirius had put her things in, it was next to his own, a guest bedroom and her belongings were placed on the bed. She moved to take out what she had brought with her, stopping when she saw one of the photo albums she had brought a small smile appearing on her face. 

Sirius hesitated in the doorway when he saw Remus smiling. He didn't want to disturb but curiosity quickly got the better of him. "What's that?" He looked towards her, walking to sit beside her and looking to the page himself. He smiled, in Remus’ lap was a photo album, inside was pictures from their school days. The photo she was smiling at was the foursome staring back, the marauders back when they were all together and all safe. He could see himself, his arms wrapped around Remus. James on Peter's back pulling faces at the camera. "Look at us. Merlin, that feels like a whole other life."

"I know..." She said softly and turned through the pages. She smiled at the empty page, "I gave that one to Hagrid, he collected a book of pictures for Harry." She said and turned the page again, here was a picture at James and Lily's wedding. Sirius was being held up by Remus as he was rather drunk, Peter had his tie around his head and James and Lily were snogging.

"Remind me to thank that man." He smiled, "It's good for Harry to have at least some sort of connection to them." He looked over the image and frowned, "I... don't really remember much about James's wedding, but I definitely remember their constant snogging." He chuckled.

"He already has your bike. Maybe just let him keep it." She smirked. Remus laughed, "I know you don't. I had to carry you back to the flat, and then I had to go back and take Peter home too." She rolled her eyes and turned the page again.

He smirked, "Ha, yeah, I got Pete wasted. A proud day." He paused when he processed her words, "My bike, I forgot about that." He scrunched up his face, considering the options, "Fine. He can keep it. I'll get a new one, or two."

"Don't go getting ahead of yourself." She smirked but rested her head on his shoulder and turned the page again. "This was the day you asked me out..."

He looked to it, nodding, "yeah, I told Prongs I planned to so he decided to follow me with a camera all day, just waiting. I think he was more excited than I was." He sighed at his friends antics, despite knowing he likely would have done the same thing, if the idea had come to mind. He looked over the image. The day had been hot, and the many chocolates he had brought for Remus had melted, making a mess. Even so, things had worked out pretty well.

"You do know, I would have said yes whatever..." She smirked. "I knew you were up to something, It was incredibly obvious, and you should not have told Peter."

"I know you would have fallen for my charms alone, but I thought a little bribery never hurt so why not get some chocolate?" He shrugged, "though it really was a bad idea to tell Peter. I'm kind of surprised he didn't just ask you out for me."

"He kind of did. He blurted it out on the way to the shops and then told me to act surprised." She laughed.

"how did I not realise you were faking surprise?" He grumbled, looking over the next photo. She turned the page, it was a picture of them all in their little flat, Peter was in the back looking miserable. Remus was lying on Sirius' lap with her eyes closed and he was stroking her hair. James was playing with baby Harry on the floor and Lily had taken the picture.

His expression saddened, but a small smile remained, "Must be one of the last..." He straightened, shaking away the emotion, "I must be getting old, reminiscing about the 'good old days' like a geezer."

"It was one of the last. Just after the last full moon. Lily brought Harry over to try and make me feel better, that was a tough full moon." She said and closed her eyes. "We're all getting old, I'm going grey..." She sat up straight.

"Still beautiful, though," He hummed, looking over the photo a final time before he tore his gaze away. It did no good to dwell too long.

"Don't." She said and closed the photo album. He huffed at the rejection, but left it be. There was little point in pushing it, Remus would share whatever was going on in that head of hers when she did. Not that that meant Sirius would understand. She pulled out the other two, one was the one she had shown him of Lyra growing up. The other was her baby book, she didn't know if she was ready to show him, she turned the first page to see a picture of herself in a mirror with the smallest hint of a baby bump.

He looked to the next book she pulled out drew his gaze quickly, and he smiled upon realising what it was. "Thats..." He trailed off, too busy thinking to find more words.

"Yeah..." She said turning the pages of the book, the bump slowly got larger, and after a while the sonogram picture came up, she smiled and continued to turn the pages. Then there was a picture of her, sweaty and tired with a tiny newborn baby in her arms.

Sirius lost his breath for a moment, merely starring. "I wish I was there." He mumbled, not even fully realising he had said it. There, a baby Lyra, and mother Remus. Sirius had never seen a more perfect pair. "Sorry Harry, you are no longer cutest baby."

"I was so scared that day. No one would hire me, I hadn't eaten for a week, I was worried I had hurt her." She said her hands shaking as she turned the page. "She was born very little, but grew quickly, she was strong. Part of me was worried she'd have my lycanthrope. Thank Merlin she didn't."

"Of course she was strong, look who her mother is." He chanced placing his hand on hers, seeing how it shook. "It's alright, Remus. You did it." Guilt twisted his stomach, "all by yourself."

"Not by choice." She said and closed the book. "Sorry I shouldn't have... Old memories... It's hard to not be like this." She said and placed them on a shelf before unpacking more of her stuff.

He took his hand back at her first statement. "Don't apologise, it was nice to see some photos, old and new." He stood, glancing around before deciding, "I guess I'll leave you be awhile, then."

"Y-Yeah... Sure." She said standing in the middle of the room. She looked over at him, "Or you could stay..." She said quietly.

 

"I could." he looked to her, wondering upon his next movement. After a moment, he went to the bed, and sat. "it is really nice to have company." He admitted.

"Yeah me too..." She said with a small smile. She continued to put the things in her case away and put the case under the bed. She waved her wand and changed the sheets on the bed and moved to open a window to get some air in the room. "You look better than the last time we saw you."

"Thanks," He looked out the window as she opened it, breathing deeply as the fresh air reached him. "It's amazing what a little sunlight does for the complexion." He was only half-joking as he stood and moved beside her, leaning towards the window.

"True." She said, she moved her hand to brush against his. "If I am gone, will you look after Lyra for me."

"While you are gone," He put emphasis on 'while', "yes, of course. I'll always look out for the both of you." Hopefully doing a better job than last time. A dark voice spoke, one he quickly told to shut-it. He looked to Remus, wrapping his hand around hers, "I believe you heard what I said last year when you were eavesdropping. I never stopped caring."

Remus gave his hands a squeeze, "I wasn't eavesdropping, werewolf hearing." She said softly, "I did hear what you said, and I've thought about what you said pretty much every day since." She sighed, "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything." He turned his gaze back to the window, "I understand we have spent the past years in very different ways, we have different reactions. You hated me, and a part of you probably still does." He paused, watching the clouds for a moment, "it's alright to be a different person than you were back then. I'd be worried if you hadn't changed."

"I feel like I changed too much. That I'm back to being that scared little girl sat in the train carriage all that time ago." She said and gripped his hand tightly. "I just want to feel like me again." She said and looked across at him. She moved forward and kissed him.

He returned the kiss, as if he could ever resist. But he pulled away after only a few moments, keeping it gentle, but brief. "Remus. You are not some scared child anymore. Do you not realise all you have done? Look at those photo albums, you've done so much, grown so much. The little girl was once my best friend, but this woman before me now, she is so much more."

Remus wanted to cry, but she looked into Sirius' eyes and smiled, she moved forward this time for forceful and moved him towards the bed. She pushed him down against it moving on top of him. With a wave of her wand the door closed and locked. "Pads..."

"Yes, Moons?" He arched a brow as he looked up at her, not entirely sure where this sudden mood swing had come from. Remus's moods were sometimes difficult to keep track of near a moon, but this seemed like a whole new level.

"I need you..." She said and kissed him again.

Sirius smiled up to Remus, "I need you too."

 

\---

  
  
There was a loud knock on the door and Remus pulled her shirt back on and put her hair up in a bun. "I'll answer it." She said quickly leaving the room.     
  
It seemed too soon when a knock sounded at the door, sure, they hadn't been doing anything anymore. But there was a wonderful peace to be found in merely laying there with one another. With a sigh, he sat up, sliding into his pants, and leaving the room, curious as to who was at the door. On his way out of the room, he snatched up his shirt, almost as an afterthought, sliding it over his head as he walked towards the front door.

Remus stood at the front door, she had welcomed Molly and Arthur in and turned to see Sirius walking down the stairs pulling his shirt on. "Didn't take very long." Molly commented with a smug smirk. "13 years is long enough Molly." Remus said with a smile and pointed them down to the kitchen.

"It's been a long time, Molly, Arthur," He greeted, fixing his clothing for the sake of at least a little modesty. His hair was probably a mess, but there wasn't much to be done for that. He reached the group and held his hand out to Arthur in greeting, then moved to greet Molly. "Great timing," He let out a small chuckle.

Remus had gone bright red. She hid her face as they walked down to the kitchen and started to talk about how everything worked for the order safe house.

Sirius just nodded most of the way, adding what he knew of the wards that had been installed when the house had been inhabited previously. Other than that, it was a fairly simple conversation. After awhile he left to make a pot of tea, a very quick task when you had magic on your side, and returned with a cup for everyone.

Remus took her tea from him with a smile. She finished explaining what Dumbledore had told her and explained that it was safer for the children to all stay here, they agreed and after some polite chit-chat headed off to organise their things.

Sirius smiled as shook his head as they left for their own tasks, "They are just as friendly as they were in school. I'm glad Lyra befriended their daughter." He thought a moment before adding, "Harry too. One must stay close to any truly good people you find in this world."

"From the looks of them, Molly took some convincing..." She said with a soft smile, "We didn't do the best job of that... But yes, good people." She said and sipped her tea again.

"No, we didn't. Let them learn from our mistakes." He lost himself to thought, but for a change they were not negative. Instead, they focused on Lyra, he wondered what she would grow up to be. The possibilities seemed endless, and far too soon.

Remus sighed softly, "It might take a while for the order members to get used to you. I mean we all thought you were a murderer for years. Just be prepared for that..." she said and downed the last part of her tea.

Sirius turned his gaze to Remus when she spoke again, "Yes, I did notice their hesitance. But it's only to be expected." He looked down to the cup within his hand, watching the remains of the liquid move as his hand did. "No one else really knew me like you, and James did. It will take time for them to see a friend, not a murderer Black." It was not the first time he had cursed his family in his thoughts, but he knew it was his own fault for his soured reputation, his own recklessness.

Remus sighed, "It will, but one day, one day there is always that tiny bit of Hope that means we will be okay, we will live past this and have a normal life." She said and looked down at her tea. 

"Normal." He repeated the word, a dry laugh escaping him. "Yes, maybe one day." He nodded slowly, thinking on the topic. It seemed near impossible to imagine normality. Still, as Remus had said, there was a tiny bit of hope.

"I'm going to go for a nap..." She said and smiled at Sirius before flicking her wand and washing her cup up and heading upstairs.

He offered a soft smile to her, "rest well."


	6. 25th July 1995

_\-- 25th July 1995 --_

 

The day the kids returned from school was the morning after a full moon, so Molly and Arthur had agreed to pick up Lyra. Remus was curled up in an armchair in the library, her eyes closed.

Sirius walked past the doorway and did a double-take before a smile broke out over his face. "Adorable." He sighed, walking carefully into the room, collecting the blanket from the back of the chair, and draping it over her.

"Shut up." She said her eyes still closed. "Molly should be back with the kids at any moment." She said and curled the blanket around her.

He smirked at her response. "Yes, a good thing too." He petted the top of her head, half teasing, half caring. "you might've fallen asleep at the station."

"The wolf was not happy with me last night. He doesn't like basements..." she said sitting up and cracking her back.

"I know," He looked over her worriedly, "I'll see if I can't find somewhere better, maybe a forest, Padfoot might help."

"Padfoot is not allowed out of the house, anyway my next transformation will probably be with the other werewolves." She said and rubbed her hands over her face and stood up.

"That is true," He couldn't say he was happy about that fact, but he said nothing.

"Right..." that's when the portrait started screaming, "they're here."

"Shut up!" He shouted right back. "Merlin's beard you're insufferable." He mumbled, but stood sparing a final glance to Remus before walking to the front door, ready to greet the new arrivals.

Remus smiled sadly and watched Sirius go, she grabbed her walking stick from the side of her chair and headed after him. She slowly made it down the steps to see the door close and a mass of redheads and Lyra. Remus pulled her daughter into a hug, they had all just been through the events of the Triwizard tournament. "Everyone kitchen." Molly said and Remus smiled, Molly's meals were always the best.

He smiled as they entered, one after another, until Lyra came and his smile widened and he wrapped her in an embrace. Barely a moment passed before the cursed portrait began shouting again. Sirius almost growled, letting Remus greet their daughter as he turned and covered his shouting mother's portrait. Turning, his smile returned when he heard Molly's words, quickly following the group.  
  
Remus followed the others to the kitchen and slumped down in a chair. She pulled a vial out of her pocket and took a swig of pain potion.

Molly was quick in her work, and Sirius had barely sat when food began to float from the kitchen and onto the table. The group were quick to dig in, but Sirius noticed Lyra's attention remaining on her mother. He nudged her, offering a reassuring smile before collecting some food for himself. "Thank you, Molly, you're too good to us." The witch in question appeared at the table and smiled.

Remus smiled when she received some food and thanked Molly. "We have been informed of what happened these last weeks, Voldemort has returned, we are at war." She said to the group around the table, "the reason why you are all staying here is safety, this is the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, a group Dumbledore has reformed to fight against Voldemort." She said and looked around the table, "I do not wish to frighten you, but we believe you should know the facts, we wish you to not contact Harry about this, we also going to bring Hermione here. You will see a lot of people like Tonks, Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Snape and Bill has agreed to join, then your parents, myself and Sirius. As you are in the safe house you are not to tell anyone else of your location or members of the order. Anything spoken about in this room is forbidden, you will not be allowed to attend meetings till you are of age. Please don't argue with me on that." She looked up at Fred and George who's mouths were open frozen from speech. "I am well past in the mood for arguing." She raised an eyebrow and they stopped.

Sirius nodded as she spoke, attacking his food with just a little too much aggression. "When Remus says safehouse, this truly is. Enough warding and spells for a castle cover the walls. You can rest easy here." He looked to Remus, smirking at the look she was giving the twins. He couldn't help but think, that back in the day, they would have gotten along famously. The marauders and the twins together would have caused a lot of trouble. And a lot of fun.

Remus eyes flicked towards Sirius before she looked down at her food. They hadn't really spoken about what happened her first night, but she knew she couldn't let him get close again. She was a monster, and one day he would be free. She shook her head and ate her food, she answered some basic questions about things that they needed to know.

A frown grew on his face as the evening passed, Remus seemed like something was bothering her, but he didn't know what. He told himself he was imagining it, or that it as just the moon. Soon enough, the last of the food had been eaten and the children were sent to bed. Sirius opted to show Lyra the way, letting Remus remain where she was.

 

Molly sat down with Remus at the table, "I thought you two would be back to how you used to be." She commented with a small smile.

"Molly, I'm broken. I'm old and poor, Lyra needs him, but he doesn't need me. He can get through this, have a normal life, I'm cursed." She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. "I start my mission for Dumbledore next week, I'll get Lyra settled and then I'll be gone. "  

Sirius returned just in time to hear Remus's last sentence, his frown growing, but he said nothing. He definitely didn't like the idea of sending Remus out as a spy. Some werewolves, usually those who followed a certain dark lord, were horrible and violent. He didn't want to send her out there. But he knew saying such a thing aloud, would only earn him trouble. He returned to the table and sat, leaning back and running his fingers through his hair. "It should be quiet now, I forgot how loud children could be."

Remus laughed at this comment, "I only brought up one, I have no idea how you did it Molly." She smiled at the older woman.

"Ahh, you're still young yet, never say never."

"Very true." He nodded, letting his gaze wander around the room before it, as always, landed on Remus. "I'm glad we're all here, at least the children can try to pretend we're not on the verge of a war." He didn't realise how morbid his words were until he'd spoken them.

Remus scowled at Molly, but turned back to Sirius. "They have each other and they have us, that's more than we ever had." She said and waved her wand so a hot chocolate appeared in front of her.

"It is going to be quite different this time." He agreed, staring at nothing for a moment before he shook his head, clearing it. "Anyway, it's late, I think I will turn in." He looked to Remus, "maybe you should too, you need your rest."

"Always telling me what to do." She rolled her eyes at him and waved her wand so her drink went up to her room. She grabbed her stick and bid Molly and Arthur a good night before heading up with Sirius.

"Well someone has to take care of you." He smiled to her, holding the door open for her before following.

"I can take care of myself. I've proved it all these years." She said slowly making her way up the stairs.

The reminder shouldn't have stung, but it cut straight into Sirius. "I know." He sighed, "But that doesn't mean it has to stay that way."

"It always has to stay this way Sirius." She said as she reached her door. "We can't go back to the way we were."

His face fell, "What do you mean? I know we're different, and things will always change and be different to what they once were..." He trailed off, looking over her face, "but you seem to be talking about something more... specific."

"You're Lyra's father and you always will be. I will never take that away from you. But me and you, we can't go back to the way we were Sirius."

"Oh." He nodded, looking away, "you're kind of giving me mixed signals here, Moons. First you need me, now we can't be together?" He sighed, holding up his hand before she could speak, he turned away and left.

"Sirius..." she said quietly but watched him go. It was better that he hated her, better that he didn't have to go back to dealing with the monster. She closed the bedroom door and curled under the covers.

He reached one of the spare rooms. He shed his shoes and jacket and flopped onto the bed. He grumbled several curses before settling in with another long sigh. He should have known better, he was hardly who he had been all those years ago. Remus had thought he was a murderer. He couldn't expect her to just forget. It was his own fault he was miserable. For getting his hopes up, for continuing to love her like the stubborn idiot he was.

 

After a week of awkward small talk and thick air Remus was ready to head to the werewolves. She stood with a backpack on, her old shabby clothes and she hugged her daughter tightly. "I'll be back before you know it, you’ve got Molly and the Weasley's and you have your dad." She said and kissed the top of her head  

Sirius leant against the wall, arms folded and a neutral expression on his face. He'd gotten good at keeping things hidden over the years, and he was glad he managed to hide his worry for Remus. "Don't worry, Lyra, she'll be back before you know it." He repeated Remus's words.

Remus looked up to see Sirius and nodded. She then moved Lyra back and kissed her forehead again. "Be careful, I love you." She said, "I love you too mum." She said before heading down to the kitchen leaving Sirius and Remus. She looked over at him, "Look after her, make sure she eats everything."

"She'll be fine, Remus, I'll be here all the time, you worry about yourself for a change." He met her gaze for a moment before turning it and looking to the wall instead, "I'll take care of her."

"Thank you. For everything." She said softly. She took a step towards him and hovered waiting to see if he would react.

"You don't have anything to thank me for." He shifted, almost uncomfortably, but kept his gaze to the wall. "Just come back safe."

She nodded. "I'll see you soon." She said and walked out the door. Remus ended up staying for the full moon, but two days after transformation she found herself on the front door of Grimmauld place, she knocked weakly, she was cold, bruised, cut and weak.

Sirius was about to let one of the others answer, knowing Arthur would be incredibly annoyed if he risked being seen. But when his mother's portrait announced, rather loudly, that it was 'the half-blood beast', Sirius rushed to open the door. His eyes flew wide, "Remus? What..." He trailed off, instead wrapping an arm around her and guiding her inside, "come, sit on the couch."

Remus leant on Sirius heavily. "Bad transformation. The wolf didn't take being in a pack well." She said holding her ribs with her other hand. "They've moved on. I said I'll meet them at a later date." Her breathing was heavy and she groaned.   

"I thought a pack would help." He mumbled, though did not dwell on the thought for too long. Focus returning to current events. He took her into the living space, supporting her as much as he could as he lay her onto the couch. "Be still," He said, disappearing into another room only to return a moment later holding a small bottle, "here, this should help with the pain."

She took the pain potion, "The wolf already had a pack, doesn't want a new one." She groaned but began to feel the potion working.

"Oh, I see." He let out a small sigh. The old pack certainly wasn't coming back. He hadn't expected the wolf to be so sentimental. Sirius looked over her carefully, "anything broken?" he said, already reaching into his jacket for his wand.

"Ribs, three of them." She said with a groan, I tried to fix them, but I wasn't strong enough." She sighed, "I don't know what else though." She groaned again but look up at Sirius again, "good to see you again, you look more like your old self."

He set to work quickly, mumbling a few spells, doing what he could to ease the pain and heal her ribs. He was no expert, but he hoped it was better than nothing. A bitter laugh escaped his throat at her next words, "You are so strange, sweet, but strange. You've got broken bones and you look like hell and still, you decide to check in on me." He couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face, "you can thank our daughter for my improvement. She lives up to her name. Now focus on yourself."

Remus smiled softly, "Of course she does." She looked over his face, god she had missed his face. "Sit down." She said softly with little strength pulling him down before resting her head on his lap.

He let out a small 'oof' as he was pulled onto the couch, trapped beneath Remus before he could protest. He stiffened, frowning down at her, unsure what to make of her actions. He suddenly remembered another time they had sat like this, after a rough moon, a time long ago. He was tempted to settle in, but another memory struck him, one much more recent and he stopped himself. "I imagine a pillow would be much more comfortable."

"Sirius please." She said quietly, but knowing she upset him, knowing that he didn't want to be there, she moved off him and curled up by herself. She closed her eyes breathing slowly, feeling the potion working, feeling her body getting back to normal and wanting sleep to take her.

"Don't.... Just rest, alright?" He stood when she moved, despite everything still good in him telling him to stay and take care of his Moony. But the voice was quiet, and the one reminding him that distance was what Remus wanted, was loud, ringing in his ears. He stepped closer to the doorway, "Call if you need something." He said quietly, seeing sleep beginning to take the witch. He was once again tempted to stay, but he figured he should probably try and not be selfish, for once, and let her rest.

 

 

Remus woke up hours later and found herself picking up where she left off. Everything was as it was, order meetings, looking after the kids, missions with Tonks or Mad-eye. Then came the night that they were going to get Harry. Remus hadn't slept the night before, a dementor attack in a muggle village meant things were changing. She kept making coffee's for people dealing with that situation, and helped with the letter for Mr and Mrs Dursley to get them out of the house. "Are you okay?" She said to Sirius when she saw him next, knowing he wouldn't be, knowing he'd want to go and get him himself.

"No I am not okay!" He snapped, not pausing in his pacing across the living room. He had been at it for the better part of the morning, he felt sure he would soon wear a line into the rug. "One of those- those- those things..." He trailed off, his steps slowing as his words did. He realised his hand had begun shaking, so he clenched it tightly into a fist. It did little to help, but he managed to convince himself it did. Convince himself it was anger, not fear that had kept him from sleep ever since he had heard the news of the attack on his godson. He kept his position, facing away from Remus even as he spoke to her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted. Not at you, at least." He took a long breath, "I just need to get out of this damn house. If I'm stuck here, I'm not protecting him. I can't..." He trailed off again, and this time, remained silent.

Remus let him rant before moving forward and taking his fists in her hands, she rubbed his knuckles until he stopped clenching. "I know... But he can protect himself from Dementor's, I made sure of that two years ago. But right now you need to breathe, I know you want to get out but it's not safe for you. We are waiting for the exact moment and then we are going to bring him here, then he'll be safe, then you'll be protecting him under this house." She said softly looking him in the face. "We're going to protect him, we are still protecting him right now. It's no one's fault... Well maybe Dung, but we'll deal with him later. Take a deep breath, he'll be here soon." She said watching him carefully. That's when Dumbledore walked in, "Coast is clear, Lupin, Tonks, Moody, Vance, Kingsley, Doge, Jones, Podmore and Diggle head out now, follow the set course, Tonks you're the best flyer, I want you upfront. Don't underestimate his flying ability, do what must be done." He said looking around the room, "Bill, if you can take your team, but delay by flying around bristol." He said and left the kitchen again. Remus looked back at Sirius, "See I'll get him and he'll be back in no time."

Sirius found himself relaxing the moment he felt her hand over his. Her voice in his ears, strangely grounding. He looked to her. To Remus. His last true friend in this world. "I know. You'll all be back in no time." He repeated her words, making them feel more real in the process. His gaze eventually flicked to the ground. He knew his worry would do nothing, that going out himself would only draw attention, it was too dangerous. But logic had never stopped him from wishing things were different, that he could do more. "I can't fail them again, so please, just come back safe, the both of you." He tightened his grip on her hand for a moment before pulling away completely, moving to stand away from the doorway as he watched the others leave.


	7. 6th August 1995

_ \--6th August 1995-- _

 

The mission flew to plan, Harry was please to see Remus and she pulled him into a hug being the only Order member Harry truly knew on this mission. She had to calm down Tonks when Mad eye patronised her, but they flew successfully, not encountering anything suspicious. Remus had flown behind being the weakest of the flyers. They reached Grimmauld place and she gave Harry the piece of paper to memorise before they entered the house. Remus let everyone else in before her and could already hear everyone hugging each other as she closed the door.

Sirius had breathed out a sigh of relief as the Order members came back, each entering the house without so much as a scratch on them. And the small, victorious smirks each of them held meant, Harry was safe. His smile widened when he saw Remus and he waved her over, but not before Lyra appeared and headed straight for her mother.

Remus wrapped her arms around Lyra. "Told you I'd be fine. Nothing we didn't do last time" she said and kissed Lyra's forehead, Remus stepped past Lyra and headed towards the kitchens as the next Order meeting was called into order and the kids were sent upstairs. "No extendable ears you two." She warned Fred and George before they apperated upstairs and Mrs Weasley was heard ushering them all upstairs while Sirius began to ask Remus about the mission, they walked into the kitchen and sat down, she sat next to Sirius her hand brushed against his.

He felt Remus's hand against his and, without fully realising, moved to join their hands. The moment he realised what he was doing he cleared his throat and sat straighter, feeling sure she would not appreciate the action. No, she had made her feelings quite clear.

Remus felt Sirius hold her hand and visibly relaxed  She took a slow breath but didn't turn to look at him. This reminded her of how they were before, back before the loss of James and Lily when Remus and Sirius were learning of their feelings for one another. At the start they hadn't told everyone, but she remembers Sirius holding her hand under the Potters dinner table, not that Mrs Potter hadn't guessed as soon as they came over. After a few moments Remus squeezed his hand, turning to listen to Dumbledore. Mad-eye debriefed them on the journey from private drive, with Tonks adding comments to the cover situation.

When he felt Remus relax, rather than reject him, he let out the smallest sigh of relief, not wanting to draw attention. He remembered how silly he felt, with a school crush, hiding it from James. Silly, but loved. He squeezed her hand just as she did, finding comfort, the knots that had formed in his stomach fading. They spoke of the journey and he couldn't help but be surprised. Nothing had happened, it had been simple. Surely he shouldn't be surprised, the order knew what they were doing, maybe it was simply relief that no one was harmed. "Sounds like everything went to plan. Lets hope this continues."

Remus nodded and turned back to Dumbledore. "The only problem we have now, what can we tell Harry, he's going to ask question, he's going to want to join the order. Its his battle more than any of ours, but he's still a kid." Remus turned to look at Sirius out of the corner of her eye. "But we were kids too. We coped, and I think so would he"

He said nothing for several moments, but eventually spoke, "We tell him everything. He can't be left in the dark, that just means he'll be going in blind." His brow furrowed and he felt his hold on Remus tighten again. Despite this, his expression remained calm, and his voice low but level. "We try to send him away to hide, some death eater will find him, or he'll get himself killed trying to get back. He's too much like his parents to sit back while others  fight." He leant back in his seat, mumbling his next words under his breath, "I still hate it though."

Remus smiled sadly, agreeing with Sirius' every point. This was when Dumbledore stood, Molly was about to open her mouth to argue back. "Harry will learn what he needs to when he needs to. He will not learn everything now. I will give him the right information when the time comes. I'll tell you what you can tell him. That is all." He said.

"When he needs to?" Sirius scoffed, not fond of the wizards dismissive words. But, before he could properly comment Dumbledore had continued to speak, Dumbledore was wise, and respected, far more so than Sirius. But so close to a war, wouldn't it be better if everyone had all the information available? To be prepared? Sirius shook his head slowly, not liking the decision but unable to properly argue with the wizard behind it. 

Dumbledore ignored Sirius and continued the meeting giving out missions and then returning to the castle. Remus waved her wand and her cane arrived, she grabbed it and let go of Sirius' hand to stand. "I'll go get the kids Molly I'm sure you want to make sure Harry gets a proper meal."

Sirius looked to Remus when she spoke, ignoring his own concerns for the moment. A smile coming to his face as he sighted Molly already in the kitchen, working away. "Good idea, It'll be five minutes."

 

Remus walked slowly up the steps and opened the door to Harry's room. "Dinner's ready..." She said seeing them all in the room. "What spell did you use on the door?" Fred asked suddenly. Remus smirked, "I'll tell you before you go back to Hogwarts." She said, "File downstairs now, don't want Molly to be angry." She said watching as they made their way downstairs, she saw Crookshanks go through her legs and head down as well.

“Just because you’re allowed to do magic doesn’t mean you can whip your wands out for everything.” Remus could hear Molly shout from downstairs. Sure enough, as the children arrived, so too did Hermione’s cat, who promptly wrapped himself around Sirius’ legs. apparently not caring he was sat at the dining table. Sirius let out a small chuckle, but stood to go and greet them by the door. 

Remus followed the children down the stairs and watched as Sirius moved forward in the doorway, a large grin breaking across his face as he saw his Godson. Remus leant against the stair rail as he watched the pair embrace, Harry looked more and more like James everyday and Remus knew she could see Sirius realising this as well. Tears pricked at her eyes but she blinked them away, they would never have James back, and Harry wouldn’t be James. She looked back at the pair and Sirius looked back up at her with a sad smile. “Come on kid, looks like we both need a good meal.” Sirius laughed and Remus followed along behind the group.

Once Sirius sat down he spotted Remus and pulled out the chair beside himself, offering her a small smile. Only a moment later Molly appeared, along with several overly large plates. Remus moved over and sat back in the chair near Sirius. 

“Your hearing is to be before the entire wizengamot.” Arthur told Harry as he looked through the letter Harry had given him. Down the table Tonks was trying to keep the feel to dinner light and was changing her face to animal features.

“I don’t understand what does the Ministry of Magic have against me.” Harry asked looking around the table, Remus looked down at her hands, she had foreseen this coming and felt that now had to be the time to do it. 

“Show him. He’ll find out soon enough” Mad-eye snapped from the corner of the room, he was staring off into the distance and Remus knew he would have been searching the streets around for intruders. Kingsley handed Harry the newspaper and in big bold letters on the front it read: The boy who lies. With a large picture of Harry’s face, it stayed for a moment before the image faded and it now read: Fudge all is well.

“He’s been attacking Dumbledore as well.” Sirius said seeing the look on Harry’s face. 

“Fudge has been using all his power, including his influence at the daily prophet, to smear anyone who claims the dark lord has returned.” Sirius sat back in his chair and looked from Harry to his daughter who was sat further away who had started to listen. 

“Why?” Harry asked looking from Sirius to Remus and Arthur. 

“The minister thinks Dumbledore’s after his job.” Remus finally spoke up, she placed her elbows on the table resting her head in her hands. 

“That’s insane, no one in his right mind could believe Dumbledore…” Harry started to interrupt. 

“Exactly the point. Fudge isn’t in his right mind. It’s been twisted and warped by fear. Now fear makes people do terrible things, Harry” Remus looks over at Sirius as she says this before looking back at Harry. “The last time Voldemort gained power he almost destroyed everything we held most dear. Now he’s returned, the minister would do almost anything to avoid facing that… terrifying truth.”

Sirius looked up from the table, his eyes flicked up to the people sat around it and he caught eyes with Mrs Weasley. “We think Voldemort wants to build up his army again.” he sighed and looked at the table. “Fourteen years ago he had huge numbers at his command, and not just witches and wizards but all manner of dark creatures. He’s been recruiting heavily and we’ve been attempting to do the same. But gathering follows isn’t the only thing he’s interested in… ” Mad-eye coughs and Remus tries to catch his eye. “We believe Voldemort might be after something…”

“Sirius…” Mad-eye butted in scowling at the younger man.

“Something he didn’t have last time.” Sirius finished his sentence.

“No that’s enough he’s just a boy.” Molly walked over taking the newspaper from Harry, “You say much more and you might as well induct him into the order yourself.” She snapped at Sirius. “It’s not you to decide what’s good for Harry! You haven’t forgotten what Dumbledore said I suppose?”

Sirius followed his arms across his chest, “Which bit?” He said sitting up straight in his chair. 

“The bit about not telling Harry more than he needs to know.” She responded leaning over the table to look at Sirius. Remus turned her head to look at Sirius, trying to catch his eye as him and Molly began arguing amongst themselves. Remus watched Sirius get more and more irate at Molly, and Molly’s face turn more and more of a beetroot red.  _ He’s not James, Sirius.  _ That stung Sirius and she could see it, but Remus could also feel a sinking feeling in her chest and Molly said it, they must have all been thinking it, of herself and Sirius seeing Harry as another chance of having James. The argument continued and Molly made the mistake of bringing Arthur into this. 

“Personally” Lupin said quietly, looking away from Sirius at last. “I think it’s better that Harry get the facts - not all the facts, Molly, but the general picture - from us, rather than a garbled version from… others.” She said and looked at Molly who looked deflated. “But for now we must go to bed. I’m sure everyone is tired, Moody, Kinsley, let me show you out.” She said standing, “Tonks, the spare room is set up for you.” She said softly to the younger woman. She placed her hand on Sirius shoulder as she walked past helping her balance before walking towards the door. She lead them past the portrait of Sirius’ mother and waved her wand across the door opening it gently, Molly followed behind the two Aurors. 

“Don’t worry Lupin, we’ll apparate on the doorstep, they’ve been patrolling these zones after we got Harry back.” Moody said stepping onto the doorstep with Kingsley following and she closed the door behind them before hearing a pop, Molly and herself reapplied the enchantments and turned from the door. 

The kids all started to move up the stairs, so Remus kept by the door smiling at the kids who she knew would all find a way to discuss the events of that evening, Molly following them up the stairs making sure they went in their own rooms. She waited for them to go leaving her daughter waiting for her, Remus kissed the top of her head. “Don’t stay up too late, and don’t get caught by Mrs Weasley. I don’t want to deal with that.” Remus said softly and her daughter smirked before running up stairs after the others, her soft curls bouncing as she ran up. Remus sighed watching her go, things had changed so drastically the last few years. 

 

Sirius stepped out of the kitchen and looked over at Remus, “You okay?” He asked her in a hushed tone. 

“Yes, are you?” Remus asked softly looking at the sad look on Sirius’ face.

“I don’t want him to be in the dark like we were, wasn’t it better knowing what was going to happen, wasn’t it better knowing that they were in danger than assuming everything was okay. We knew to protect them, or at least try to.” Sirius replied walking toward Remus away from the portrait as his voice grew. 

“I know, but he’s still a kid Sirius, we need to let him be a kid, let him have something that we had, let him have a childhood, let him be happy. It’s been a long time since we’ve been happy Sirius, we need him to have that.” Remus said sadly her voice kept low. Sirius was right in front of her now, Remus moved forward and hooked her fingers through his. 

“Why can’t we be happy?” Sirius asked softly. 

“Maybe one day we can…” Remus said moving her face forward so their foreheads pressed against one another. 

There was a loud bang and the pair turned around, the portrait started screaming.  _ Treacherous mudbloods and blood-traitors in my house. Even my own blood gone bad. Stain on the family brings his own half-breed wolf spawn.  _

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Oh shit, sorry. Shit.” Tonks was muttering and the umbrella stand was on the floor again. 

Sirius let go of Remus and walked over to the portrait. “Shut up you bigoted cow.” Sirius shouted slamming the curtains closed, “Talking about my family like that, I’ll find a way to shut her up permanently, you’ll see.” He snarled at the portrait.  

Remus stood back, “Forget it Sirius.” She said softly, “Head to bed.” She said with a soft smile. Sirius nodded and head off up the stairs. “Are you alright?” she asked Tonks who was blushing.

“Yeah, sorry clumsy.” Tonks let her hair fall over her face. “I need to remember that’s there…” She laughed and started to walk towards the stairs. 

“Don’t worry, I think Kreacher keeps moving it to get in your way, don’t take it personally, he hates us all.” Remus replied softly following Tonks. 

“Did I disturb something? I’m sorry if I did. I had to get out of the kitchen Molly and Arthur were arguing about earlier…” Tonks said stumbling up the stairs.

“Don’t worry, it was nothing.” Remus said her eyes slightly unfocused as she thought about a few moments before. “Just needed to talk to him after all that. Make sure he’s still letting Harry be a kid…” Remus said before stopping in front of Tonks’ room. “Have a nice sleep, Nymphadora.” she replied.

“It’s not Nymphadora…” Tonks said with a raised eyebrow at the older woman.

“Sorry, Dora.” She laughed and walked away and up the stairs again, she put her ear to the door of the room Harry and Ron share, and heard various voices along with her daughters. Remus smiled before heading to Sirius’ room, she knocked on the door lightly. 

“Come in.” Sirius said, the door opened to reveal him with a large bottle of fire whiskey, it was ¾’s empty. 

“Was that really necessary?” Remus asked with a scowl. 

“Helps the nightmares…” Sirius muttered putting down the bottle.

“It really doesn’t…” She replied looked down at her hands. “Sleep well Sirius. I will see you in the morning.” She turned and closed the door heading to her own room and preparing for bed. 


	8. 15th November 1981

_ \--15th November 1981 -- _

The empty flat was closing around her, the memories pressing into her skin like the scars that etched across her body. Her hand moves to her neck rubbing the knot of tension out from passing out on the sofa for the sixth night in a row. 

Remus stood in the middle of the room, her black dress tighter around the middle than it had been the first time she wore it. She moved to where a black jacket hung on the back of the dinning chair, it did not belong to her, it was a man's suit jacket and she knew to others it would looks strange for her to wear it, but she picked up the piece of fabric. And brought it to her face. 

_ You look bloody freezing Moony take this. _

She moved the fabric around her enveloping her in the familiar scent. 

_ What about Lily? _

Remus took a deep breath trying to steady the tears in her eyes and the tumbling thoughts in her brain. 

_ She had the forethought to bring a jacket in January. She also has that tiny bundle that is my son in her arms.  _

“James.” The words fell from her lips as she thought about what today meant, about what she had to do and who she had to say goodbye to. Her eyes moved up to the clock and she stepped forward, grasping the keys and locking the door behind her as she left the flat. 

The church of Godric's hollow was covered in an early dusting of snow, she could feel her breath against her skin and wrapped the jacket around her tightly. Crowds were forming of faces with no names, small nods from the faces that try to speak, but Remus doesn’t wait around to hear what they have to say. Walking to the front of the church she pushes open the door and walks quietly into the hall. 

“You can’t be…” The revered begins to speak but is stopped and Remus looks up to see Albus Dumbledore. 

“She is allowed to be in here.” He says before a small nod and walking out through the doors. 

Remus walks forward, her steps echo causing her to wince against the blinding pain of what was to happen. The flowers were extraordinary, they filled the walls, the front of the church and she imagined outside as well. If she bothered to read the cards from the well wishers she was sure to find people from all over the world, but today was not for those moments. 

Remus walked to the front of the church, but instead of taking a seat at the front she moved to the third isle and took her place at the end of the row by a wall over flowers. She sat, her hands placed in her lap, her eyes studying the bench in front of her. 

The doors were open, people began to flood in, the front row was filled with ministry officials and public figures, the second row with members of the order and school friends and from then on Remus gave up trying to recognise people, various order members tried to speak to her but she said nothing, they had always kept their distance, she never hated them for it, she understood, she was a monster. 

“All rise…” Remus rose on shaking legs, a piano was being played, the music began to fill her, the minor chords hitting her eyes like pin pricks bringing the tears to settle on her cheeks. She could see more ministry officials carrying the two coffins side by side. The hard wood covering the lifeless forms of her family, her eyes were trained on the coffin, as if she was searching for a sign of movement, of someone to jump out and tell her it was all a joke. 

“You may be seated.” Everyone sat as a group, except Remus, her eyes on the coffins, the pictures that appeared behind them, a beautiful photo of Lily at their wedding, her face bright with love and happiness. Her eyes moved over to the picture next to Lily, even in those separate portraits you could see James looking over at Lily, love and devotion, till death do us part. 

The door at the back of the room closed and Remus looked around to see a familiar woman stood there, she held a baby in her arms. She looked startled like a deer in headlights, Remus watched as she made her way to a seat at the back and Remus finally found her way to sit down, Harry was here. 

Remus barely heard the sermon, barely heard the songs that were sung, she just watched those pictures of her two best friends smiling back at her. For moments she felt like they were back with her, talking about the war like it was nothing, because back then in had to be. Remus looked up to the minister of magic as he spoke in front of the coffins, of how they were good people fighting for what was good and right in the world. Remus wasn’t aware until the people in front of her turned around as she openly sobbed, she covered her face with her hands muffling the strangled noise from her mouth. 

More people went up to make a speech about the people they didn’t know. Remus heard her name called and she shakily made her way to the front.

“Lily and James were my friends, they were my family and my everything in between. With every passing moment they are gone another piece of me dies with them.” Remus took a deep breath steadying herself on the podium, she wiped at her eyes and looked across the crowd. “When we were at school, James was determined that Lily Evans would be the love of his life.” Remus eyes flicked to Petunia at the back of the room who held her gaze intently. “It was rocky, I’m sure many of you were aware, there were points in their life where Lily hated him, no, no she didn’t. She never hated him, they wound each other up to the end of the earth, but they were perfect, they were perfect for each other.” Remus broke her gaze from Petunia, “Lily was the most humble, kindest woman I ever met, her heart was pure and she was feisty enough to protect the people around her.” Remus wrapped her arms around herself. “James Potter was an idiot.” She laughed, “He was a fool but a brave and true fool, he cared for me at a time that no one else would. He gave me a family I never knew I would have, we were dysfunctional, we were young, but I had people that cared about me. His heart was as pure as Lily’s and that’s why they found each other. They died for the wizarding world, but in truth they died to protect their son, they died for family and friendship and they won’t ever come back, but they were the best of people, some live more in twenty years than most do in eighty. That was James and Lily. I miss you. I’m sorry.” Remus stepped away from the podium and back to her seat, she watched Pertunia stand up and leave the door slamming behind her. 

The music started again and the coffins were taken outside, people began to follow leaving Remus sat alone once more. She looked up from her hands to see the two portraits fade away on the canvas, when the last glimpse of them left she stood and made her way out of the church. 

Remus stood out there for what could have been hours, her gaze steady on the two mounds of dirt in front of the empty headstones. The crowd had moved to the courtyard of the small village, a gasp sounded and applause took any last attendees away from the grave stones to see the statue that had been presented of the little family. 

To Remus the statue meant nothing, statues were given to people who were gone, they were there to tell people of something that happened. But Lily and James weren’t something that just happened, they were people, they were alive and amazing and gone. She couldn’t stand to look at it, or the crowd that were gathered away from the actual final lying place of her best friends.

Remus raised her wand very slowly, she didn’t need to put any thought into what was the be written there. “The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.” The curling text lay underneath the names and dates, Remus slumped down next to the stone. The finality of that moment broke her, this wasn’t the last of the funerals she would attend from the war, this wasn’t the last time she would say goodbye, but this was the last time she would say goodbye to Lily and James. 

Remus stood, she pulled out two painted stones from her pocket. One with a white stag, which glittered against the frosted breeze, the other with a doe, she placed the stones in the centre, against each other. “I love you.” She said to them both standing back. 

“Goodbye Lily.” She said softly and closed her eyes, “Goodbye James.” She said and with a short sharp movement she appeared away. 

 

_ \-- 7th August 1995 -- _

 

Remus screamed, she sat up in bed. Her face was wet with tears, she wrapped her arms around her legs hiding her face against her knees. 

The door slammed open, Sirius was stood in his pyjamas looking over at Remus sobbing, he jumped forward and wrapped his arms around her holding her close. “What happened?” He said quietly. 

“Nightmare… Memory…” She whimpered resting her head against his chest and taking a deep breath. 

“It’s okay it’s over now.” He said softly, he stroked her hair rocking her back and forth. 

“I know, I know.” She said wiping at her face. 

“What happened?” Sirius asked, “What happened in the dream?” he asked now rubbing her back.

“The funeral… Their funeral…” Remus whimpered. She took a deep breath and sat up, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it…” She said but still stayed close to him. 

“It’s okay. That’s gone now. You’re here with me.” He replied, he moved so he was sat up on the bed and allowed her to rest her head on him. “Sleep now, I’ll keep the bad dreams away.”

Remus closed her eyes and found herself falling to sleep against the sound of his heart beat and the smell of stale alcohol filling her senses. She found herself dream of a young boy with dark hair and a leather jacket.


	9. 31st December 1995

_ \-- 31st December 1995 -- _

 

The School year past as it did and the disaster of Mr Weasley’s attack brought the whole family home for Christmas, staying close to St Mungos until Mr Weasley was home safe and they continued to stay in the safe house. 

Mrs Weasley decided that having other members of the order over for New Year celebrations was a great idea, but as soon as the festivities started Harry found a way to hide back away up stairs.

There was a knock on Harry’s door and it opened to show Lyra poking her head through. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked softly, she stepped into the room and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“Sure.” Harry said looking down at his hands, he blamed himself for everything that happened recently, and his talk with Sirius had almost reassured him, but he still felt apart from the Weasley group.

“I wanted to see if you were okay, I heard my dad spoke to you.” She smiled and move to sit cross legged on the bed next to him. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Fine.” Harry replied unable to look at her.

“It’s hard being around the Weasley’s, they are such a tight knit family. It’s so different from where you came from, even from where I came from.” She said softly and nudged him with her elbow.

“Yeah, it’s different. Not bad. Just different.” He smiled and look at her. “How are you taking this all, I mean… You’ve gone from not knowing your dad, to seeing him more… It must be great having Sirius as a dad.” He said and turning to her.

“It’s strange yeah, it’s always been me and my mum. Now he’s back and I don’t know… It’s hard for him, he’s really trying to be my dad, but I think he’s better with you than me…” She said quietly and pulled her knees up to her chest. “He’s not used to that… He’s not used to being my dad.” 

“I guess you’re not used to having a dad either…” He said and looked over her. “It’ll take time, and when he’s free, he can be a proper dad. You can have your family back, isn’t that a good thing.” 

Lyra smiled over at the older boy, “Maybe when all this is done you could come and live with us, I mean if dad gets a place without all the creepy stuff, he is your god father, he could have a room for you.”

“That sounds… great.” Harry smiled, “Lyra, I wanted to ask… Is your mum and dad… I mean are they…” Harry looked awkward, “I spoke to Sirius a while ago and it sounded like he wanted to be back with you both.”

“My dad’s still in love with my mum yeah.” Lyra said with a smile. “And my mum’s still in love with my dad.” She said looking towards the door. “I just think she’s hurt too much. I keep trying to get them to see each other again.” She said with a frown. “Harry do you know Mad-eye Moody well?” 

“I mean, I know him a little bit, why?” Harry asked with a small frown. 

“Come with me.” She said and grabbed his hand.

 

\---

 

Lyra and Harry sat on the stairs on the first floor, the extendable ear pressed against the door frame to the kitchen. 

“Did they drink it?” Harry asked quietly. 

“Padfoot what the hell did you put in this?” Remus asked softly, there was a small sound of a chair scraping.

“I didn’t put anything in it Moony, but maybe it’s a bit stronger than I expected.” Sirius replied, a loud hiccup sounded and Sirius began to laugh.

“Piss off.” Remus responded. “I haven’t drunk like this since… Well probably since Marlene’s Christmas party 1980.” 

“Oh god I remember that. James’ thought it would be funny to get us both drunk because he and Lily weren’t drinking with baby Harry.” Sirius responded, Harry looked at Lyra and she responded with a sad smile. 

“That was the night the old lady at number 7 knocked on the door to tell us to shut up… Didn’t think of using muffalato…” Remus giggled. “I didn’t think we were being that loud.” Lyra made a fake retching noise at Harry.

“Moony I miss those days.” Sirius said quietly.

“So do I Padfoot…” Remus said and there was a short pause where no one said anything. 

“I don’t care about anything Moons. I don’t care that you’re a werewolf, never have. I don’t care that we both got old, I don’t care that it’s been 14 years since I last held you properly, because every moment I waited for you to come back. I wanted you, every part of you, every part that I loved and always will love. Moony, I know this probably isn’t the time or place but I need to ask you if you love me back.”

“Damn that happened quick…” Harry whispered but Lyra shushed him. 

“Padfoot…” Remus said softly, “I have always loved you. But I’m scared, scared about the future scared about losing you again.” 

“You’re not going to lose me, you’re strong, stronger than anyone I’ve ever known. Even if you did lose me, I know you could stay strong, carry on without me.” Sirius replied in hushed tones. 

“I can’t lose you again.” Remus said her voice hitching in her throat. 

“You won’t.” Sirius said and the room fell quiet again. 

“We should join the others” Harry said softly taking the extendable ear out of her hands.

“Yeah, thank you Harry.” Lyra said with a sad smile at her friend. 

“It’s alright little sis.” Harry said and messed up her hair before going downstairs to join the rest of the group in the living room. He opened the door and the hustle and bustle of the group livened the atmosphere as they got ready for the new year to ring in. 

 

—-

“We should go back and join the others…” Remus said softly her forehead pressed against his. 

“They don’t need us at the moment.” Sirius said softly his hand caressing her arm. “Spend this moment with me.” 

“Like before.” Remus said softly. 

“No, like now. I want us to live in the now. I want us to be happy now.” Sirius said moving close to speak against her lips. 

“ I want that too.” Remus replied, they started to hear the count down in the other room as the others called out. 

 

10.

 

“This year will be better for us.”

 

9.

 

“I’ll stay with you.”

 

8.

 

“We can be a family again.”

 

7.

 

“For Lyra.” 

  
  


“For us.”

 

5.

 

“I love you Padfoot.”

 

4.

 

“I love you Moony.”

 

3.

 

“Sirius.”

 

2.

 

“Remus.”

 

1.

 

They both moved forward at the same time, their lips crashing together, they kissed each other with the desperation of a soldier coming back from the war. The need to hold each other and keep each other safe, their tender embrace becoming more heated as they brought each other close. 

Remus was the one that brought the kiss to an end, moving her face back and smiling at Sirius softly. She turned her head to the door and a moment later Lyra ran into the kitchen. 

“Happy New Year.” She said with a large smile before running into her parents arms. 

“Happy new year poppet.” Sirius said and kissed the top of the girls head. 

“Happy new year.” Remus said holding her daughter and the love of her life close to her. She felt safe, strong, happy. Something she never imagined would happen again. 


	10. 4th January 1996

_ \-- 4th January 1996 -- _

 

“Sirius?” Lyra asked walking into the study where both Sirius and Remus were sitting. 

“Yeah? What’s up Poppet?” Sirius asked sitting up from the position he had been dozing in on a sofa.

“What were your parents like?” She asked moving to sit next to her mum on the opposite sofa, Remus turned the page of her book but her eyes flicked up to Sirius.

“My parents were the best people in the world, but they weren’t my birth parents, they were James’.” Sirius said with a soft smile and Remus’ eyes went back down to her book. “Mr and Mrs Potter were parents to all us marauders, they looked after us all like we were their own.” Lyra smiled as Sirius started telling her stories of their childhood at the Potters from sleepovers to campouts and the time Mr Potter took them to a muggle cinema.

\---

Remus stood at the front of the house, some people would call it a cottage but it was way too big for that. She pushed open the white gate and shut it behind her wincing slightly at the use of her right arm. 

Remus walked to the front door, she was wearing her best dress, a grey one with short sleeves and black tree pattern across it. She had managed to find a pair of tights that would cover the new scars on her legs but her shoes managed to rub on her newest scar causing her to limp slightly.

When she reached the door a piece of paper had been stuck to it.  _ Head on in, we are in the back garden.X.  _ It was Mrs Potter's hand writing which was charmed to only appear to people she had invited. Remus placed her hand on the door and pushed it open, stepping in she closed the door behind her and headed through the house to the kitchen.

A woman was singing as she walked in and she saw Mrs Potter stood at the counter pouring out a drink. “Oh Remus, I’m so glad you came.” She said looking up to the figure in the door.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world Mrs Potter.” Remus replied softly and held out a nearly wrapped present and card which she took before wrapping the younger girl in a hug. Mrs Potter moved back and caught Remus wince at the use of her arm again.

“Remus what happened?” Mrs Potter asked pulling her wand from her hair, “you look pale…”

“Just not been very well over the summer… It’s nothing…” she shrugged but winced again and grabbed her arm.

“You’ve broken it and tried to fix it.” Mrs Potter said waving her wand over Remus.

“I know spells don’t work as well when you do it on yourself…” Remus replied and looked down.

“Right then let’s fix that…” Mrs Potter said with a smile that twitched at the side of her mouth. She reached under the cupboard and pulled out a box of medical supplies. “Sit on the counter for me.”

“It’s your birthday, I can’t let you do this. You need to be out celebrating.” Remus said stepping back from Mrs Potter.

“Nonsense. Won’t take me a moment.” Mrs Potter said and pointed to the counter. “Up.” Remus nodded and sat on the counter placing her hands in her lap. “Right let’s put some of this on it and it will reset the bone.” She said and pulled out a tub and started wiping the cream on her arm.

“Thank you…” Remus said quietly and Mrs Potter looked up at her.

“It’s no problem. Right, drink this. Let’s get the colour back in your cheeks.” She said and passed her a vile which she drank. “And while we wait, I’m going to open this if that’s okay,” she asked and Remus nodded. Mrs Potter opened up the present and smiled.

“It’s not much..” Remus said softly.

“It’s perfect.” She said holding the home made photo frame with a picture of James, Sirius, Peter and Remus. “I love it. Thank you Remus.” She said and kissed the top of Remus’ head.

“Mum! Where have you been??” James said storming into the kitchen and stopping when he saw Remus. “Remus I didn’t know you were here, what’s wrong?” He asked and Mrs Potter was already wrapping Remus’ arm in a bandage.

“Oh stop fussing James. I was making a cup of tea and sadly Remus caught the kettle when she was coming in.” Mrs Potter lies sweetly. “Much better. Now take this cardigan Remus must not get a chill now.” She said and passing her the cardigan which had hung around her shoulders.

“Thank you Mrs Potter.” Remus said pushing herself off the side and wrapping the cardigan over her.

“I have said a million times before children. You must call me Euphoria.” She said with a soft smile and placed the frame on the counter watching the children wave up at her. “Outside you two. I’ll be out in a moment.” She said and watched the two leave.

 

“What actually happened?” James asked Remus as they made their way out the door.

“Nothing.” Remus said softly and smiled as Mr Potter waved them over.

“Good to see you Remus.” He called from behind a barbecue, he plated up two burgers and passed them over. “Peter and Sirius are by the tree with this pretty red haired girl.” Mr Potter said with a raised eyebrow.

“Lily!” James exclaimed and ran over towards the tree.

“Thanks Mr Potter.” Remus said with a soft smile. She walked along following the path that James took to see him with the rest of the group. James was running his hand through his hair while talking to Lily. As she walked over Peter looked over with a big grin.

“Remus.” Peter said with a smile and moved forward and hugged her.

“Hey.” She said and hugged him back and looked over to see Sirius stood by the tree watching her. Peter let go and she walked over and joined the group. “Hey Lily.” She said with a small wave in which the redhead blushed.

 

The group started chatting casually and Remus starts to eat some of her burger when she feels Sirius move up behind her. “How did you break your arm?” He asked quietly so the others couldn’t hear. 

“Padfoot…” she replied softly.

“Tell me.” He said and she turned to look at him to see he had tears in his eyes.

“They used a cage this time…” she said closing her eyes and turning her face away from the others. “They read something about keeping werewolves in enclosed spaces.”

“Remus you should have told us. We could have come. We could have helped.” Sirius said placing a hand on her arm. 

“You couldn’t do anything. They wouldn’t have let you.” Remus whispered. 

“They wouldn’t have let us help you, Remus you know how wrong that sounds. They are you parents. They are meant to help you. You’re a werewolf not a murderer. You shouldn’t be in your own prison.” Sirius said standing with her as she leant forward and rested her head on his shoulder. 

“I’m fine. It’s all fine.” She said and Sirius pushed back her cardigan revealing a new fresh scar running down her arm. 

“It’s really not.” He said quietly before pulling the cardigan back around her. “I’m going to get you some more food. You look thin.” He said and walked away leaving her stood against the tree. 

 

Mrs Potter had be mingling with her guests for a while now and found her way to her husband who wrapped his arms around her. “Remus is going to stay over tonight.” She said and kissed his cheek. At this point Sirius walked past. 

“Sirius dear, are you okay sleeping in James’ bedroom tonight?” Mr Potter asked to which the boy shook his head and walked off. “Do you remember when I used to worry about you like that?” Mr Potter said to his wife.

“Do you not still worry about me?” She asked resting her head against him.

“I won’t let you out of my sight. What do I have to worry for?” He smirked and kissed her gently. “Happy Birthday Beautiful.”

As the lights went down Mr Potter waved his wand and a trail of lights floated about the guests in the garden. The music turned up and everyone started dancing.

“I’m fine, I’ll skip…” Remus tried to protest but Peter grabbed her hand and pulled her into the dancing crowds. The music blasting and Remus laughed as Peter tried to twirl her under his arm. They made their way to the others who were dancing and singing animatedly. They both joined in dancing with the people around them till the late evening and the guests started leaving.

“I should probably head off.” Remus said softly.

“Don’t be silly the spare room is ready for you.” James said with a grin. He had just flown Lily home on his broom and looked a little more disheveled that was normal.

“Your parents won’t mind Moony, we can walk you back tomorrow.” Sirius said taking a drag on a cigarette he was trying to hide from Mr and Mrs Potter.

“I… okay.” She said realising that it wasn’t worth the argument.

“I’ll have to get a few bits out of there before you sleep.” Sirius said and stubbed out his cigarette. Peter yawned and said he was going to get ready for bed, so they all followed passing the kitchen.

“We’re off to bed mum. We can help clean up in the morning.” James said just bypassing his parents with Peter following behind.

“Thank you Mr and Mrs Potter.” Remus said stopping with Sirius standing behind her.

“Our home is always open to both of you. Know that.” Mrs Potter said with a smile. “Don’t forget to get your pyjamas from the spare room Sirius. I’ve put a spare pair of James’ in the spare room as well.” She said and smiled softly before turning back to her husband and the pair at the doorway left.

 

Remus walked up with Sirius to the spare room and opened the door. She walked in to see all of Sirius’ belongings in there. “Padfoot, what’s all your stuff doing here?” She asked turning to look at him. 

“Oh…” he replied and frowned. “I got kicked out so I moved in here with the Potters.” He said and went to a chest of draws and pulled out some pyjamas. He pulled out an extra pair of shorts and passed them to her. “You’ll need these James’ will never fit.” He said and looked across her face. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She said and took the shorts. “You got kicked out! I could have done something, I could have helped.” She said stepping forward towards him. 

“Don’t you think this is a bit hypocritical of you?” Sirius said looking away from her. “You’re the one that’s basically being tortured by her own parents.” 

“I’m not being tortured by my parents. I’m a werewolf Sirius. I hurt myself even when I’m with you three.” She said pulling the cardigan closer around herself. 

“How much have you been eating Remus? Can they afford food? Because you haven’t been eating. I can see your ribs from here.” He snapped. 

“How can you talk? You have bruising across your face, don’t act like I can’t see it. They hurt you before you were kicked out.” She said moving her hand and move the hair out of his face.

“But I got out Moons, I got out of the place that was hurting me. You’re going to go back to them willingly.” He said moving forward and resting his forehead against hers. 

“They don’t mean to be bad.” She said and closed her eyes. 

“That doesn’t mean it’s good for you. That doesn’t mean your safe.” He replied. “After school ends, I’m getting a flat and you’re moving in with me.” He said, “I can’t live off Mr and Mrs Potter it’s not fair. Two years Remus and I’ll get you out of there.” 

She nodded in response and moved her hand away from his face. “Goodnight Padfoot.” She said and moved back as he left the room. 

Mr and Mrs Potter creaked the door open to the spare bedroom on the way to their own. Mrs Potter smiled as she saw the four youngsters curled up in bed together. Sirius had his arms wrapped protectively around Remus on the smallest part of the bed while the other two lay sprawled across the rest. 

“They’ll always have each other.” She said softly to her husband. 

“At least we know when we are gone.” He said and rested his head against his wife. 

“Today’s not a day to think about that.” She said with a sad smile. 

“I love you.” He said and took her hand and lead her to their bedroom. 

 

\---

Remus shook her head and turned back to her book having been distracted by the conversation. “Mum, what about you, what were your parent’s like?” Lyra asked and Remus closed the cover of her book.

“My parents are nice, well my Mum passed away just before Christmas the year before I graduated, Dad’s still around from what I know, we still get a christmas card every year.” She said and looked over at Sirius. “My mum was a muggle, Dad’s a wizard working with boggarts and things like that. He saved her from a boggart. That’s how they met, then they got married and had me… It was a bit more difficult when I got bit. We moved around a lot, put stress and strain on them, my mum also got sick.” Remus put the book down on the table next to her. 

“That was the year Mrs Potter invited your dad over for the Christmas party.” Sirius said looking over at her. 

\---

Remus let go of her father's hand as soon as they landed from the alongside apparation. She pulled her bag further up her shoulder and walked forward, “they’ll be around the back.” She said and started walking around the outside of the house and into the conservatory out the back. 

“Remus, Lyall, so good to see you. I’m so glad you came.” Mrs Potter said softly. 

“Thank you for inviting us Mrs Potter.” Remus said and hugged the older woman. 

“Right Lyall come with me, we have the adults over here.” Mrs Potter said taking Lyalls arm and leading him away. Remus shoulder slumped slightly once her father left and she turned and walked into the living room. 

“Remus.” His voice was soft and she suddenly had arms wrapped around her. She hid her face in his shoulder putting more weight on him than she usually would. “I’m so sorry.” He said his mouth moving against her shoulder. 

“It’s okay.” She said softly. “It’s okay."


	11. 23rd March 1996

 

_ \-- 23rd March 1996 -- _

 

_ Was he playing with his snitch. I’d forgotten he used to do that.  _

_ Of course he he was a bit of an idiot, we all were idiots. Well not Moony so much.  _

_ Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out of order.  _

_ You made us feel ashamed of us sometimes. That was something.  _

 

“Oi Evans, what are you hanging out with that grease ball anyway, you’re a Gryffindor now.” James shouted across the courtyard, Sirius was stood next to him, his tie loose around his neck and his shirt untucked out of his jumper. 

“Piss off Potter.” Lily snapped turning around to pull a face at James. She grabbed Snapes arm and dragged him towards a corner of the courtyard and sat down. 

“James leave her alone.” Remus said quietly catching up with the two boys, Peter next to her a look of excitement in his eyes. 

“Come on Lupin we are only having a bit of fun.” James said with an award winning smile back at Remus, she looked from one boy to another and decided to keep quiet. James turned around to Lily again, “Come on Evans, Gryffindors don’t hang out with Slytherins, that’s just how it works, especially ones like Snivellous.” James laughed and Sirius echoed the nickname next to him. 

“I’m going to go and read my book.” Remus said quietly to Peter before heading over to the fountain in the middle and opening her book. Peter looked from Remus to James and Sirius and decided to stay with the boys. 

“No one wants to talk to you here Potter, so bugger off. Take your little gang elsewhere.” Lily snapped opening her book and leaning close to Snape to point something out on a page. 

“Rejected mate.” Sirius said to James with a smirk. At this comment Snape laughed and James growled. 

“Right Snivellous, think your better than me do you? Come on then right here right now. I’ll best you in a duel.” James said pushing Snapes book out of his hands. 

“You think you’d be better than me?” Snape said standing up and pulling his wand out. 

“Severus, don’t.” Lily said closing her book. 

“I don’t need you to stand up for me.” Snape snapped and turned to James. “Usual rules apply, three steps out and shoot.” he said holding his wand in front of his face. 

“You’re on.” James said doing the same. 

“Sirius, stop him.” Remus said having stood up and walked over to her friend who just shrugged at her. “How can we have feuds already we’ve only been at Hogwarts three months.” She said with a sigh. 

“One. Two. Three.” The two boys called at the same time before turning around, the brightly colours spells flying around the courtyard as he dueled back and forth. 

“That’s enough!” A loud Scottish voice called and all the students turned around to see Professor McGonagall stood in the courtyard. “Mr Potter, Mr Snape my office, now. The rest of you, back to your common room this instant.” She said and started to escourt James and Severus into the castle.

\---

_ How come she married him, she hated him.  _

_ Nah, she didn’t.  _

_ She started going out with him in seventh year.  _

_ Once James had deflated his head a bit.  _

_ And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it.  _

_ Even Snape?  _

_ Well… Snape was a special case.  _

_ \--- _

 

“Moony talk to me.” Sirius was following Remus down towards the lake.

“I can’t talk to you right now.” She snapped at him turning away still storming towards the edge of the lake. 

“Moony please.” Sirius called running after her.

“Don’t Moony me! You almost let me kill someone! Murder Sirius. Do you know what happens to werewolves who kill people on a full moon. Do you have any idea of what would happen to me?” Remus had tear streaks down her face and she looked pale and sick. Sirius stopped frozen looking at Remus. “Do you know what happens Sirius? Do you? I’d go to prison Sirius. Azkaban, no trial, prison. People would want to kill me.” She whimpered, she started to cough and walked towards the lake again. 

“Remus, I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean for him to do that, I’m just fed up of him interfering. I didn’t want him to hurt you.” Sirius ran forward and grabbed her arm. “I didn’t think Remus.”

“No you didn’t think did you.” She pulled her arm out of his grip. “I thought you’d… I thought you’d grown up Sirius. You didn’t have to follow along bullying Snape for no reason. I usually leave you to it, it’s not my business, but you’ve crossed the line. You’ve crossed the line with everything.”

“I would never do something to intentionally hurt you Remus.” Sirius said keeping his distance. 

“Well you did, you did hurt me.” She said and walked down to sit by the waters edge. Sirius followed but kept a distance. 

“I am so sorry Remus.” Sirius said crouching by the water next to her looking into the lake. “I don’t plan on losing you any time soon, Remus I’ve been in love with you for years.” Sirius finally turned to look at her, she put her hands over her face.

“This is not the time to say that Padfoot.” Remus said but had a soft smile forcing its way onto her face. “I’m angry at you, I’m meant to be angry at you, you can’t go and say something like that!” She said and threw water at him from the lake. 

“You can’t stay angry at me for long.” Sirius smirked, he looked around and turned himself into the black dog. He moved forward and brushed his fur against her side, she looked over and rolled her eyes at him and he started jumping around her, he splashed in the water spraying her and his fur was wet.

“Damn it Padfoot.” She said moving away from the dog, who as he shook his fur turned back into the boy and shook his wet hair at her. “I hate you sometimes.” She said sitting up and looking at him. 

“No you don’t” He smiled softly and offered her his hand which she took and stood up.

“This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook.” She said raising an eyebrow at him. 

“I know. But we can still go on our date right?” Sirius asked looking at her with false puppy dog eyes. 

“Yeah. But it’s going to have to be the best date ever for me to forgive you.” She said and took his arm. 

 

\---

 

“James was good wasn’t he?” Sirius asked softly turning back to Remus once Harry disappeared from the fire. 

“He was most of the time…” Remus replied softly. 

“What do you mean by that?” Sirius asked. 

“He wasn’t perfect Padfoot, he was kind and sweet, he saw things in people they didn’t see themselves. But he had flaws. He would attack Severus if provoked, or even unprovoked. Even you can’t say you’re innocent from that. Severus was an arse hole but what you did it him, he didn’t deserve that. But neither did he deserve the constant bullying from James.” Remus said and looked down at her hands. 

“You nearly cancelled our first date because of that…” Sirius said sitting in the chair next to her. “I’m really glad you didn’t.” 

“So am I.”

“I can’t believe that was what… Just over twenty years ago.” Remus breathed softly.


	12. 18th June 1996

_ \-- 18th June 1996 -- _

 

Remus was stood in the kitchen, she had finally had a day off after spending a long period of time with the werewolves. She cleaned the pots and leant back against the counter when the flames roared into life. Severus Snape stepped through the fireplace and walked into the room. Remus stepped forward, “What’s wrong?”

“Where is Sirius?” He asked urgently. “Is he here?” 

“Yeah, he’s in the other room. Why?” Remus said and turned to the door. “Sirius, get in here.” She called looking back at Snape.

“Harry had a vision, said he saw him at the ministry, in the department of mysteries. Said he was being tortured by the dark lord himself.” Snape said and turned to see Sirius walk through the door. 

“What happened?” Sirius asked. Snape pulled out his wand and sent a patronus out, 

“No time, we need to get to the ministry. Stay here.” Snape said to Sirius. 

“You can’t, you need to go back to school Umbridge can’t know you’re working with us.” Remus said suddenly. 

“Right… Then you go. I’ve contacted Moody and Tonks.” Severus said and stepped back into the fireplace. 

“I can’t get you to stay can I?” Remus asked Sirius who looked at her.

“No. You can’t. If it saves Harry, then I’m coming with you. I’m not letting them hurt him again.” Sirius said reaching forward and getting his coat off the chair. 

Remus grabbed the floo powder. “Ministry of Magic.”  She said and they both stepped into the fire.   
  
  


\---

 

Catching up with Tonks and Moody they found themselves storming down to the lifts stepping in and with help from a spell from Mad-eye they found themselves on the right floor. They opened the doors to see Kingsley stood waiting for them.

“The kids went inside. There were seven of them, Ginevera, Luna, Neville, Ronald, Hermione and Harry, along with your daughter Lyra.” Kingsley said toward Sirius and Remus. “The death eaters were already positioned, spearheaded by Lucius Malfoy is what we believe, we don’t know how many there are. I’ve sent for back up, but it’ll be difficult.” he said before opening the door. 

Remus hands were shaking, she turned to Sirius. “Don’t do anything stupid.” She said softly, she reached forward to grab his hand. “Promise me.”

“I promise.” He replied and reached forward to kiss her. “Let’s go save them.”

The group made their way through the corridors following the path the children set out, the door opened and they stormed into the circular room. Remus spotted her daughter straight away and ran forward disarming the man who had hold of her and pulling her to the side. “Stay out of sight. Stay hidden.” she said before jumping around and shooting a spell at the next death eater releasing Ginny and pulling her down to stay with Lyra. Remus waved her wand again and the death eaters were tied up together falling back against the stone. 

Remus jumped over the side and shot a spell at the death eater that was attacking Sirius, “Watch your back Padfoot.” She said before spotting Tonks struggling against a death eater with Luna. Remus dodged a spell coming for her and hid behind a piece of rock, she reached out and shot another spell at the death eater which threw them into the wall. She ran over, grabbing Tonks arm and dragging her and Luna to the side. “Ginny and Lyra are down there, grab them, get out of here now.” Remus commanded. Tonks nodded and ran off towards the others with Luna in tow. 

Remus jumped up to look for the others Moody was taking three on at once and she could just see Sirius stood by the veil. Remus ran around to the other side watching them both duel Lucius Malfoy who’s mask had come off. Remus ran past the pair of them stopping another death eater from joining the battle, but a spell hit her in the arm, she fell back against the stone. 

 

_ Nice one James.  _

 

Sirius called out to Harry. Remus looked up at him for a moment, blasted back her own death eater as he tried again and turned back to see the red light consume Sirius and he fell back. A shout escaped from her lips as she watched the clear fabric wrap around him. Her eyes turned to Harry who stood in horror, she saw his feet move first and suddenly her arms were around him pulling him back. 

Harry started screaming out, forcing himself away from Remus, but Remus held him tightly keeping him back. “He’s just behind the curtain!” Harry screamed and Remus felt the tears prick her eyes. 

“There’s nothing you can do, Harry-”

“Get him, save him, he’s only just gone through!”

“- it’s too late, Harry.”

“We can still reach him-”

“There’s nothing you can do, Harry… Nothing… He’s gone.” Remus realised the words were now coming out as a sob, her words filling up her brain as she was fogging over. Harry continued to scream out but Remus held strong like it was the only thing she could do, part of her also felt if she let go she would run into the curtains herself. Remus felt the hot burn of a spell hitting against her arm, but she couldn’t even think about that. “He can’t come back Harry” he voice caught in her throat and she held him tighter. “He can’t come back because he’s d-” She couldn’t say the last word, she began to pull him away towards where the others were fighting. This was the first moment Remus realised Dumbledore was there, she saw a white light shine around various death eaters and she knew they were out of harm, her grip loosened when she dragged him far enough away. 

They found Neville and spoke to him briefly, Remus barely speaking knowing that her tone would betray them, Neville asked if Sirius was a friend of Harry’s and Harry nodded. There was a bang and Remus looked up to see Kingsley fly across the room, she saw in the background Tonks lying on the floor with Moody casting a spell over her and then saw Bellatrix Lestrange, the person who killed Sirius running up the stairs. Remus fist clenched and she shook her head her eyes closed. “She killed Sirius, she killed him, I’ll kill her.” Remus moved to grab Harry but he was too fast for her and she stumbled forward. 

“Lupin don’t move.” Kingsley called, she hadn’t notice he had stood up and walked over to her. “Your arm.” he said and she finally looked at her arm, her shirt was broken and burnt and blood was pouring out of her arm. Remus slumped slightly, feeling the repercussions of the battle hit her all at once. 

“But Harry…” She said and he shook his head. 

“Dumbledore. Dumbledore has him it’s okay.” Kingsley replied, taking out his wand and waving it over her arm. 

“You’re head…” Remus commented. 

“I’m fine.” He responded. Lupin took a deep breath when the wound began to heal. She then felt someone grab her and found her daughter crouching next to her. 

“Mum…” She said tears pouring down her face. 

“Lyra…” Remus said and pulled her daughter into her arms as she cried. Remus stroked the girls hair holding her close to her chest. “Are you hurt?” She asked and Lyra shook her head still holding her more tightly.

“He’s gone… Dad…” Lyra sobbed out and Remus put a hand on her daughter’s hair brushing her hair with her fingers. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Remus muttered against her hair kissing the top of her head. 


	13. -- --

_ \-- -- _

 

_ “Other girls are so much needier than you are…” Sirius commented his little finger hooked around hers. _

_ “I don’t know how to reply to that Pads.” Remus replied looking down at her feet. _

_ “Sorry, I mean. Other girls always want things, they always want to go on dates, or want flowers or chocolates or anything else. You just look surprised when I do things like that for you. It’s cute, but also makes me realised that I need to treasure you…” He said and moved to take her hand fully.  _

_ “Sirius… Why would you need to treasure me?” She said stopping and looking at him.  _

_ “Because you get surprised when I treat you properly, and one day, and I promise this, one day I want you to be able to see how truly special you are, and I don’t want you to be surprised when someone does something nice for you.” Sirius said and stepped forward kissing her softly.  _

_ “You surprise me every day, not because of treats or anything like that, because I get to see the real you, a version of you that only I get to see and I’m so privileged to see it.” Remus wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again.  _

_ “Now let’s stop talking like Adults and go and stuff our faces with the end of year feast.” Sirius said with a smirk and kissed her again before leading her back up to the castle.  _

 

_ \--- _

 

_ Sirius was pacing back and forth in the small room they were told to wait, the room was quiet other than the ticking of the oversized clock on the wall. _

_ “Sit down Sirius, you’re only getting yourself worked up.” Remus said not looking up from her magazine.  _

_ “Why are you so calm?” Sirius snapped at her but move and sat down. _

_ “Because she’s having a baby not a heart transplant.” Remus replied looking to the man next to her.  _

_ “Exactly, a tiny human is coming out of her. Our Lily is having a baby!” Sirius said and looked back at the door.  _

_ “Merlin, you’re worse than James.” Remus muttered under her breath. “It’s fine Sirius, she’s going to be safe and happy. Would you react this way if we were going to have a baby?” _

_ “I’d be more freaked out, because it’s you. What if something went wrong? What if something happened? It’d be my fault. Oh Merlin.” Sirius put his head in his hands.  _

_ Remus laughed softly. “Padfoot, calm down. It’s okay.” She stroked his back and she passed him a calming draught from her bag which originally was intended for James. Sirius downed the vial and sat back in the seat. “Would you really be that freaked out…” _

_ “If your asking if I want children with you, the answer is yes.” Sirius said and looked over at her, “I’d freak out, because I want you safe. But that’s not going to stop me wanting a child with you.” he said and took her hand.  _

_ “I wasn’t… I didn’t mean…” Remus was now the one to be nervous. _

_ “Remus, I love you. After all this I want us to be together forever.” Sirius said and moved and kissed her forehead. The door slammed open and Peter stood in the doorway. _

_ “Did I miss it?” He exclaimed out of breath and red in the face.  _

_ “No, we’re still waiting.” Remus said and squeezed Sirius’ hand. The other door flew open and a very excited James Potter bounded into the room.  _

_ “It’s a boy. We have a boy. Harry James Potter, youngest quidditch player ever, prefect, head boy, marauder!” He exclaimed to the room and Remus laughed.  _

_ “Maybe don’t put too many titles on him just yet.” She replied. _

_ “Hows Lily?” Sirius asked standing up and pulling James into a hug.  _

_ “She’s amazing, spectacular, gorgeous, sexy and my wife!” James replied and Remus caught Sirius eye and he winked at her. _

 

_ \--- _

 

_ “Dance with me.” Sirius stood in front of her his hand out. Remus looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.  _

_ “You know I don’t dance. I can’t…” She replied, but he reached down and took her hand pulling her up and leading her to the dance floor. “If I tread on your toes it’s your fault.” _

_ “I’m aware.” He laughed and wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close as they started to dance. “They look happy.” Sirius said nodding his head towards James and Lily. _

_ “They do, it’s nice to see something good come out of this hellish war.” Remus said moving slowly allowing Sirius to guide her.  _

_ “Why don’t we go on a trip, James and Lily will be away, Peter is doing some work for Dumbledore. We could just go on a trip, somewhere remote, Wales.” Sirius said turning them on the floor. _

_ “Sirius… I wish I could, Dumbledore’s asked me to do something as well.” Remus said not looking Sirius in the eye.  _

_ “You’ve got a mission… What is it?” Sirius asked moving her closer to him.  _

_ “I shouldn’t say…” Remus replied and moved to rest her head on his shoulder as they moved into a slower song. Sirius nodded and continued to sway with them both.  _

_ “You’re going to the werewolves again aren’t you.” He said quietly and she nodded in response. He rubbed her back softly as they swayed but he stared off into the distance his face growing cold.  _

_ “Don’t think about it. Not tonight.” She said continuing to sway, the song came to an end and Remus stepped away from him. “So I think we need a drink, because it looks like Peter is the drunkest of us all right now and that wont do.” Remus smiled and pointed to Peter who was lying on some chairs with his head hanging off the end. “Race you.” She said with a smirk and started running to the bar.  _

 

_ \--- _

 

_ “Sirius I need to talk to you.” Remus said from the doorway of his room.  _

_ “Wow, no nickname, this must be serious.” He winked at her but looked at her expression and frowned. “Remus what’s wrong?” _

_ “Nothing's wrong… just need to tell you something.” Remus said and closed the door behind her.  _

_ “You can tell me anything moons.” He said reaching a hand forward and pulling her to sit down with him.  _

_ “Do you love me?” She asked softly.  _

_ “I’ve loved you since we were thirteen, no day will ever change that.” He said and reached forward tucking a piece of her hair out of her face.  _

_ “I’m pregnant.” She said not looking him in the eye.  _

_ “No…” the word escaped his lips as he stared at her.  _

_ “Yes.” She replied and wrapped her arms around herself. “I understand that this wasn’t planned, I understand if you don’t wa-” Remus was cut off by Sirius wrapping his arms around her, he moved down so he was on his knees in front of her.  _

_ “Hello baby. I’m your dad.” _

_ \--- _


	14. 29th June 1996

_\-- 29th June 1996 --_   


 

“Crystallized pineapple.”

The spiral staircase began to move upwards and Remus stepped forward onto it, she began to walk up to the top step before reaching the door, she moved her hand to knock on it and it swung open. “You wanted a de-brief.” She said taking a step into the room. 

“Yes, I thought it would be better to talk to you separately. How is Lyra?” Albus asked standing up from behind his desk. Remus walked forward and rested her hand on the chair. 

“She’s okay, as expected. She’ll be coming back to school for the last few days, wants some normality before she returns home.” She said and took the seat when Dumbledore offered. 

“And yourself?” Dumbledore asked taking his own seat, he pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. 

“We won't talk about that.” She replied placing her hands in her lap. 

“Remus, I will not allow you to be on your own if you're not okay.” Albus replied his hands on the table. 

“Well there’s a first time for everything…” Remus said looking down at her hands. 

“What do you mean Ms Lupin?” Albus said. 

“I mean you’ve never been one to care about people's feelings before.” She snapped, “You’ve always been able to find your pawns in the situation. Severus became your pawn and even he came to tell me what you decided, raising a pig for slaughter. I know about Harry, I know that you are just raising him to die at the proper time. But Harry wasn’t the first, neither was Severus… I think Sirius was the only person you didn’t manipulate.” Remus stood up walking away from the chair. “You manipulated James, you put him into hiding, took his invisibility cloak! Have you not thought about how that may have saved them? Because I have, I’ve thought about it so many times. You manipulated me, you took me in and pretended to make me feel safe! But you were using me, you were raising me to be part of your army, to be your consort with the werewolves, to be yet another pawn in your game. Sirius is free, he escaped your grasp in a way you never expected, but I’m still here. I will not be that pawn anymore. I can’t be, I have my family and I need to protect them, but I also need to protect them from you.”

Dumbledore sat frozen and watched her, his hands raised to his mouth. “I have no plan on getting your child involved in this war.”

“I will not let you anywhere near either of my children.” She replied. 

“You’re…” Albus started. 

“I’m pregnant, yes. After all this time, my situation is the same. History is doomed to repeat itself. But I won’t let you do what you did to me, to my children.” She growled her hands into fists.

“I will not include your children in any of my plans Ms Lupin, I promise.” He said and stood placing his hands forward to shake hers.

Remus pushed her hand forward and took his before quickly taken it back. “You’re hand…” She said, “It’s been cursed.”

“It has, but I will die at the proper moment. Remember that Remus.” He said before indicating to the door and she turned and left.


	15. 27th July 1996

_\-- 27th July 1996 --_

Dear Lyra,

 

How was your summer? I know it seems a stupid question but I don’t know how else to start this. I’ve been trying to write to you all summer but just not known what to say. I’m sorry. I wish I could have saved your dad. But I think you know that. How’s your mum? Have you heard from anyone else? Dumbledore just brought me to the Burrow, maybe your mum will let you come over? Mrs Weasley is the best cook ever! Sorry I don’t know what to write. I hope your summer is at least okay. Here if you need me.

 

Harry.

 

 

Dear Harry,

 

Summer has been okay, I get why you asked. It’s strange because there was so many years without him, I thought it would feel like it was before. But before I didn’t know my dad, now I ~~do~~ did.

Mums not okay, she keeps acting like she is, but she’s not. Tonks comes over most days, I think she needs us as much as my mum needs her. It’s a kind of comfort thing I think, she’s technically some relative of mine. I think I remind her of my dad.

My mums not taking her transformations well, Hagrid had to go and find her in the last one, she was in the hospital wing for a week after that. Madame Pomfrey wouldn’t let her leave. I stayed at Tonks mums that week. They are nice, you should meet them, Ted is a muggle, he has so much muggle stuff we could never afford. I played on a PlayStation! I’m sure Dudley probably has one, I was talking to my mum about coming to visit you, but she’s worried about safety. Usually i'd defy her, but you know how it is. If you’re at the burrow now I’m sure she’ll let me!

So Dumbledore helped Sirius with a will before he died, he’s left Grimmauld place to you and left money to me and my mum. Dumbledore said you can’t just go and live there, but it gives you somewhere to go after school. He wanted to give you that escape. I’m glad he did that.

The offer I made before still stands, after all this, me and my mum, we would always want you to live with us. I just want you to know that. We are family.

I’m sorry I took so long to write, and this is all a bit of a ramble. It’s been hard, for both of us. I hope you’re safe, I hope the Dursley’s are still afraid of you. See you in September or hopefully before. Mum and Tonks say hello.

 

Lyra x

 

—-

 

“You’re not burning down my kitchen, again!” Remus said weakly standing up from the armchair.

“I only set the buildings fire alarms off last time!” Tonks said holding a frying pan in her hand in which she passed to Remus.

“The veg was edible.” Lyra said from her position sat on the floor by the fireplace reading a book.

“I’ll cook.” Remus said with a sad smile and started making dinner. She was cutting the veg when Tonks and Lyra heard a hiss and a metallic clatter. Tonks jumped over and ran to the kitchen to find Remus clutching her hand which was bleeding badly.

“Remus.” She scolded and pulled out her wand and healed the cut, she wiped it clean and kissed the spot. “There, better.”

Remus looked a lot paler than she had before and that wasn’t from the blood loss. “Dora…” she started and Tonks shook her head.

“Forget it, just be careful.” Tonks said and returned to her spot in the living room leaving Remus to make dinner.

“So Lyra, do you have everything ready for Hogwarts? Fifth year, that’s owls year! Exciting.” Dora said with a smile, she pulled a pile of paperwork onto her lap and started going through it.

“Yeah. I’ve pretty much packed, all I’ve got left is a few clothes and my dad’s mirror…” Lyra said with a smile that slowly dropped off her face.

“Me and your dad used that mirror for so many random things.” Remus said coming out of the kitchen with three plates of food passing them out. “

 

_\-- September 25th 1996 --_

 

 

“I’m broken Dora, I’m broken and old and a mess. You don’t want me, you want someone whole and young like you. I’m a single parent, a werewolf, a ptsd ridden mess.” Remus said tears in her eyes. 

“I don’t care about that! I don’t care about any of it! I love you Remus, I fell in love with you and I can’t help that. I want to be with you!” Tonks said stepping forward moving closer to Remus. 

“I was in love with Sirius, I was always in love with him. I probably will always have that part of me. Does that not put you off?”

“Sirius would want you to be happy. He’d want both of us to be happy. Isn’t that what he told Lyra?” 

“She told you?”

“Of course she told me, because she wants you to be happy as well. I can make you happy Remus.”

“I can’t make you happy Dora. I can’t make anyone happy anymore!” Remus snapped at her. 

“That’s a lie and you know it!” Tonks snapped back at her. 

“I don’t know what you expect of me.” Remus said and slumped down in the arm chair. 

“I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to be with you. I want to wake up in the morning with you by my side. I want to hold your hand when you need me. I want to be there for you and Lyra. I want to be your family.” Tonks said and crouched down in front of her, her hands on Remus’ knees. 

“What if I’m not good enough?” Remus asked in a quiet voice leaning forward and tester her forehead against the others. 

“You’ll always be good enough for me.” Tonks said and brought her chin forward and kissed her softly. 

“I’m pregnant Dora. “

“I know. I’ll protect all three of you.” Tonks said cupping her face. “I’ll protect and care for all of you. I’ll always be there for you I promise.”

This time Remus initiated the kiss. This kiss held more passion as they held each other close. Maybe some happiness would come out of the war. 


	16. February 28th 1997

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, this is my favourite chapter. Enjoy. x

 

 

_\-- February 28th 1997 --_

 

Remus was patrolling the outskirts of the castle, she was not usually placed on this job, but had swapped so Dora could go and visit her mum. Remus had spoken to Lyra using the two way mirror and asked Harry to bring the marauders map to the gate. 

“Remus? Are you here?” Harry called and Remus walked forward with a small smile. 

“Ask me a question Harry.” She replied with a raised eyebrow.

“What did I call my dad in the Fireplace when I came to speak to you and Sirius?”

“And Idiot, and I agreed.”

"And Sirius said he deflated his head a bit." 

Remus smiled at Harry again, “Thank you for doing this. I won’t be long.” Remus said and reached out their hand as Harry passed the marauders map. Remus nodded to Harry and walked away from the gates taking out their wand. 

“I solemnly swear I need to talk to you.” Remus said pointing the wand at the parchment.

 

_ Messrs Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs at your assistance, Messer Moony.  _

_ And Messer Prongs would like to say Moony has aged rather well. _

 

“Now, now Prongs.” Remus said with a small sad smile. 

 

_ Messer Wormtail wishes to enquire of the rest of the fellow marauders.  _

_ Messer Prongs would like to tell Wormtail to stop. _

 

“I have a question, for one of you.” Remus said quietly to the parchment. 

 

_ Go on. _

 

“I’ve been asked to get Married. She’s a lovely girl, not a great extended family, but she loves me.” Remus said and sighed slowly. 

 

_ Messrs Wormtail and Prongs would like to congratulate you.  _

 

“Thank you, and Padfoot?” Remus said tears pricking at their eyes. 

 

_ Padfoot would like you to be happy.  _

 

“But what about you?” Remus sobbed slightly tears falling off their face onto the parchment. 

 

_ Don’t cry. _

 

The words faded and then appeared again. 

 

_ I want you to be happy Moony, if she makes you happy then so am I.  _

 

“His name is Teddy. He’s three weeks old.” 

 

_ He has the best mother in the world.  _

 

“I miss you so much.” she cried. 

 

_ I love you.  _

 

“Mischief Managed.” Remus said pointing her wand at the parchment again. The parchment fell blank, she moved her hands up to her face and wiped the tears gently. She took a deep breath and walked back to Harry. “Thank you for that.” She said and then reached into her pocket and pulled out a bag. “There’s some things for both you and Lyra, some chocolate, letters, I found a picture of your mum and dad that I thought you’d like, so that’s in there as well.”

“Remus are you okay?” Harry asked quietly. 

“I’m okay.” She said softly, “Right, got to get back, thank you again.”

“Do you not want to keep it? It is yours.” Harry said holding up the map.

“It was your fathers as much as mine. You keep it, keep people safe with it. One day you can pass it onto the next generation.” She said with a soft smile and looked over at him again. “You look more and more like your father every day.” She said before turning away.

 


	17. 31st March 1998

_ \-- 31st March 1998 -- _

 

“Help us!” He yelled at the eye in the mirror in mad desperation. “We’re in the cellar of Malfoy Manor, help us!” 

A crack sounds, standing in the middle of the basement stood Remus Lupin. Next to her two house elves. “You said you needed help.” She said in a hushed whisper and pulled out her wand from her pocket. Harry elbowed Ron to stop him shouting for Hermione once more. 

“Remus? How did you?” Harry started to ask but Hermione’s scream drowned out his voice. 

“The mirror. I heard you.” She replied and looked around the room. 

“You can disapparate out of this cellar?” Harry asked the pair. 

“Dobby, can you take Luna, Dean and Mr Ollivander… Ron is your brother still at shell cottage?” Remus asked turning to Ron who nodded. “Take them to Shell cottage. They have more space than we do.”

“Then come back, can you do that Dobby?” Harry asked. 

“Of course, Harry Potter.” Whispered the little elf. 

With a crack the two companions disappeared, but someone spoke above. They had heard the noise and footsteps crossed the room above them. 

“Draco- no, call Wormtail! Make him go and check.” They heard a voice say loud and clear. 

“I can disarm him. But I can’t do much without being detected.” Remus said quietly pushing the two boys behind her. 

“Ron leave the lights on.” Harry said and the boy put away the contraption. 

 

“Stand back,” Wormtail’s voice said, “stand away from the door I am coming in.” The door flew open and with a twist of her wand Remus had disarmed wormtail. 

Wormtail stumbles forward and his hand found Harry’s neck. Before Remus could knock him out she looked at his metal hand. “If I stun him it might be worse.” Remus whispered to Ron who with Remus was trying to pull Wormtail away. 

“What is it Wormtail?” The voice of Lucius Malfoy called. 

“Nothing!” Ron called in a wheezy voice. “All fine”

Harry could barely breathe but he choked out, “you’re going to kill me? After I saved your life? You owe me, Wormtail.” 

The grip slackened and Remus and Ron pulled him away. He stumbled back looking terrified, but his eyes dropped to his own hand that was now moving to his throat. 

“No.” The words escaped Harry’s lips first as he ran forward trying to pull the hand away that was now crushing his throat. Ron moves forward to try and help, Remus was watching in shock as Pettigrew fell to his knees and Hermione screamed once more. 

“Harry, Ron go and get Hermione.” Remus said taking up position using spells to release the hand. Both boys ran upstairs and out of sight. 

“You can’t do this to me.” Remus said still gripping the hand and casting more complex spells. 

“Peter You can’t leave like this.” Remus was getting frantic and Peters eyes were wide. 

“Sorry.” He choked out before slumping backwards. Remus holding the dead man in her arms. 

Dobby returned to see Remus, “They are upstairs, you need to get Harry, Ron and Hermione back to shell cottage.” Dobby nodded and disappeared again. 

Remus stood next to the body on the floor, she closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She raised her wand and closed her own eyes before apparating away. 

 

—-

 

The beach in front of Shell cottage was clear and for that Remus was grateful as he watched the four arrive. She saw Ron holding Hermione in his arms and ran over to help carry her into the cottage. 

“Where’s Harry?” She mumbled. 

“He’s safe.” Ron replied opening the door of Shell cottage and they placed Hermione on the sofa. Remus left her with Ron and walked back out to check on what was happening. 

After many hours Remus found herself sat on a bench on the boundary of the cottage. She watched Harry stand by the newly made gravestone. Remus had watched him but knew his need for space, he reminded him of a younger version of herself coping with the death of her friends. While watching Harry she didn’t notice the figure sit down next to her. 

“Are you okay?” Bill asked. 

“I’m fine. Worried about him.” Remus replied placing her hands in her lap and looking out to sea. 

“You don’t look so great.” Bill said and brushed his hair back out of his face. “I know the full moon is soon.” 

“Yeah, between that, my two children and the fact that I just watched my last childhood friend get killed by a cursed hand. I’m fine.” Remus hands were shaking as she relieved the memory.

“You don’t have to be fine, you know that Remus.” Bill said putting his hand on her shoulder. 

“I know that. I just don’t think I can. I have people to look after. I have things to do. Maybe one day when this war, when this terror is over, I can breathe…” Remus said and stood up walking towards the beach.

“Don’t bottle it up Remus.” Bill said quietly and turned to walk back into the cottage. 

Remus looked up at the grave to see Harry had gone inside finally. Remus took a deep breath and continued to walk towards the waters edge. 

Lily. James. Sirius. Peter. Gone. 

Remus screamed, the sound was animalistic but she couldn’t contain it. She screamed until her voice was raw, her hands grabbing at her hair and her knees buckling under her so she landed in the sand. Everyone from her past was gone, everyone she grew up with. 

“It was meant to be me. I was never meant to be the one left. You were all healthy, you were all safe. You should have been safe. I was meant to be the first to go.” She cried into her hands. 

The night had gone dark in the time she took to calm herself, but she stood, wiped at her face and turned to the cottage. Bill was watching her and she raised a hand in goodbye and spun on the spot disappearing with a crack. 

 

—-

 

“You’re back.” Tonks cried running to her arms. Remus held her close, her last tears drying on the younger woman’s hair. 

“They’re safe. We got them out. We lost Dobby.” Remus said in quiet words as they clung to each other. 

“I’m so sorry.” Tonks said pressing a kiss to her lips, Remus kissed back softly and tucked her hair behind her ear. 

“Dora, I watched Peter…” She shook her head. “Everyone’s gone.” She said in such a quiet voice it was barely audible. 

“You still have us, you still have your family and Harry, the order. We are all here for you Remus.” Dora said and gripped the older womans hand tightly in her own. 

“Mummummum.” A voice came behind Dora and Remus looked up to see her daughter Lyra holding her son Teddy. 

“Hello, Mummy’s here my little prince.” She said and reached over and pulled Teddy into her arms and wrapping her free arm around her daughter. “They are safe. They are currently at Shell cottage. If I can get you there to see them I will.” Remus said to her daughter who nodded and hugged her mum tightly. 

“Right it’s bedtime for you little man.” Remus said softly to the little boy. 

“No.” He said and pulled a face changing his hair colour to a dark red. 

“Don’t you get stroppy with me, or we won’t have a story.” Remus said and the little boy smiled and his hair went back to a natural curly brown like his sisters. Remus held the boy closer resting her head against his.


	18. 2nd May 1998

_\-- 2nd May 1998 --_

 

“Dora!” Remus shot a spell at a death eater throwing them back and running to Tonks. She wrapped her arms around her. “What the hell are you doing here?” She said placing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“You can’t expect me to stay home while everyone I love fights for our future.” Tonks said moving back and pulling out her wand. 

“What about Teddy?” Remus asked turning around at the noise of an explosion. 

“He’s with my mother. Where’s Lyra?” Tonks asked and shot a spell towards a group of fighters taking down a death eater. 

“She ran off with Harry. Promise me if you see her you’ll keep her safe.” Remus said and turned to Tonks. 

“With my life.” Tonks replied and Remus moved forward and kissed her. 

“Keep yourself safe. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” Remus rested her forehead against hers. 

“You should do the same.” Tonks responded before breaking apart. 

 

\---

 

The battle was in full force, parts of the castle formed piles of rubble. Bodies propped up against the only sturdy parts of the structure that was left. Remus found herself falling against a pile of rock as a spell hit her in the arm. She pushed herself up with a force that she shouldn’t have held. 

“Remus.” Her name was called across the courtyard and the death eater she was attacking was thrown into the wall driving them unconcious. Remus looked up to see Tonks, her arms out in a protective stance in front of Lyra. Remus smiled sadly, they were alive, they were both alive. 

“Remus.” A growl sounded behind her, Remus spun around to see Fenrir Greyback. “My cub, you are fighting for the wrong side once again.” He snarled, Remus hands shook. “Your children would make fine werewolves Remus, why are you betraying our side.”

“It is not my side. It has never been my side and never will be.” Remus growled through her teeth, her wand twitched in her hand and she raised it to point at the other werewolves chest. 

“You can not kill me.” Greyback smirked. 

“Stupify.” The spell hit the werewolf so hard his head smashed into the walls of the castle and rubble tumbled over him. Remus felt her shoulders collapse in, it was done. She was free.

The green light shot past her head and she turned around, she couldn’t see the death eater she was fighting, their mask on their face but the spells were coming at her fast. The light shrouding her view of her family who was there just a moment before. The death eater stumbles and the lights stop, she can see Tonks protecting her daughter. 

The green light fills her senses.

 

\---

 

The air is warm and dry, the heat on her skin allows her to hold back the shiver as she steps towards the gate. The sudden crack sounding behind her doesn’t disturb her from what she was doing. 

“I told you you didn’t have to do this alone.” the voice says and Lyra turns around. The messy haired boy with the lightning scar looks back. 

“I know. I just felt it was time.” She replied and reached her hand out to take his. They walk through the small graveyard hand in hand. Each of them know the way, her mother had taken her many times when they were younger and for Harry this was a place he could never forget. 

The two gravestones stood next to each other. On the left is written James and Lily Potter. On the right Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Lyra knelt down in the centre of the two graves. 

“The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.” She reads softly. Harry stands behind her, his hand on her shoulder as they both turn to the second grave. Lyra pulls her wand out of her pocket and waves it over the second grave. 

 

“Mischief Managed.”

 

\---

 

The End.            

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this first chapter, please comment/review I'd love to hear what you think. - HopeLupin x


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